How many of us have them?

Over the years, some of the people who have burned me the most were people I considered to be my best friends. In the past 6-8 months, I have experienced some major life changes and in those changes, found out some truths about people that I considered to be irreplaceable. As a friend, I have a very definitive set of things I do for those I consider to be my friends:

1) Friendships work both ways, no matter the structure of your friendship. I have friends that I hardly ever speak to, text, email, etc. It's just the nature of our friendship. If we are ever in the same town, there is no doubt that we are going to hang out, catch up and have a great time. If you normally communicate via text, chat, phone, Skype, etc. it is the responsibility of both parties to keep this flow going. In general, I'm not a phone person, my friends know that I don't expect them to call me and shouldn't anticipate my calls. However, I will text/chat with you all day. It is still not solely my responsibility to initiate this communication. If I'm important to you, you will communicate with me in the means that you like most. For example, I have a friend who would prefer to talk over texting. So we try to alternate between the two. He will text for me, I talk for him.

2) Friends tell friends the truth. This is probably one of the things my friends would say they like least about me. However, I want my friends to be honest with me and I can only expect to do the same. Like I mentioned earlier, I have been burned by friends. I've over-exerted myself for them, only to receive nothing (not a favor when I needed it or a simple "Thank You" in return). Not only was I depressed for a semester of college when I realized those people weren't my true friends, it made me consider what I will and won't tolerate in a friendship. Some things might not seem like a big deal to others, but it's what I know is best for me. If you are my friend and you do something I can't tolerate, I'm going to tell you. I tell you because I love you, I want you to know why I'm acting differently towards you and I'd like to fix it. If you aren't my friend, you get nothing. As my friend, I expect you to do the same. Let me know I have wronged you versus me hearing from a third party that I pissed you off and you're no longer talking to me.

3) Friends are not selfish. I'm not Burger King, mofo. I like to please people, but I'm not a people pleaser. You want someone to tell you you're pretty or be around whenever you decide you're ready, keep rolling past this station because I'm not the one. I have a friend who has always used me. Used me to help plan her life, decorate her apartment, create her budgets but very rarely is open to do things for me. I try to keep in contact with this friend, because I truly care about her... But in every attempt she proves my point. I can never talk to her without her asking me to do some sort of favor. I've been through a break up, a lay off, a move, a job change, adopted a dog and she NEVER asks me about any of that. She just tells me what I said I would do and didn't. I don't mention all the times she has said she would visit me and hasn't. I've over-invested and now I'm giving that stock away to someone who will tolerate your bullshit.

4) Friends are there when you need them. Even if they don't continuously say so. I have a few people who actually "know" me. As such, I don't have to constantly tell them when I need a hug, a boob squeeze or some tequila. They just know and they check on me. I do the same for them. Note: If when I ask you if your doing alright, you always say "Nothing is wrong... I will tell you if there is"... I'm not going to do this as often. As your friend, I will drop/change all my plans if you say you need me. If that means I'm sitting and helping you drink half pitchers of margaritas (even though I'd already been drinking and I planned to stop for a few hours) I'm gonna do that. Because that's what will make you feel better. And in the long run, I will feel better too :D

5) Friends understand that you cannot always be their friend. I don't do well with needy friends. As previously discussed, I will tell you that I think you may have more needs than what I can handle. I warn you that I'm not good at maintaining those types of relationships. I will let you decide versus being a shitty friend to you. It may be best that we don't continue to be friends. With exes, this also applies. Any ex I've ever had, I can't be your friend at first. As my boyfriend, you were placed in a different category than anyone else in my life. Depending on the reasons we parted, I can try but probably won't be able to be cool with you instantly. I would love to maintain those relationships, but unfortunately you're still in that "he will never let me down" category. And friends always let friends down. Intentionally or not, and that's something I've learned I can't tolerate. If I keep trying anyway... Well damnit, you're special.

6) Friends don't flake on you without letting you know they are going to flake.  I understand things change, plans change, shit comes up, people get tired... we are all guilty of it.  There have plenty of times where I'm looking forward to going out all day long and when it finally comes down to it... I've lost the energy, desire, motivation.  If this happens, I'm going to give my friends the courtesy of letting them know as soon as I feel that way... so they can update their plans accordingly.  Friends ask you to do things because they care about you and they want to hang out with you; if you can't always do that... fine.  But show them you care about them by being a tad bit courteous.