Vent

Here's a request, don't put your hands on me like we share a sexual relationship.  It doesn't make me want to interact with you.  At all.  It's a violation of my personal space.  Perhaps I should compare this to doing something that would make you feel uncomfortable in this setting.  Like if you've got some extra weight around your belt, I'll grab your belly fat.  Or if you're short, I'll tap you on the head as I walk by.   After you've decided that you were going to do that anyway... I did the initial "pull away to keep you from touching me" but you made a second attempt.  When I swat your hands off of me, don't you dare push me (or follow it up by calling ME a bitch).  Oh, you decided to do that shit anyway?  Sir, you don't know me. I know I'm little.  I know I don't look like a threat.  Maybe you don't think I'm going to turn around and go hood baby on you or say anything at all.  I don't have to welcome your inappropriate touching.  When I make it clear that I'm not the one, respect that and keep it moving.  In the words of the great Katt Williams, "It's nothing man, it's nothing... This shit right here nigga, nigga right here this shit?!" this shit will get you fucked up.  Good night.

My apologies for the more than normal  # of curse words; I'm pissed.

Let's talk about this...

Toe Sucking. I have a major issue with this if you are not an infant. For those that do enjoy toes, I would imagine a baby's are the most enticing as they do not yet bear the wear and tear of life. Maybe my "mommy" genes haven't fully kicked in yet, but I don't want ANYONE'S feet in my mouth. I bring this up because a friend recently told me he had a woman suck his toes. He posed this scenario to Dana and I, looking for some sort of rationale. I have none. I can only deduce a few things about a girl who sucks man toes:

1. She can't share drinks/food/lip gloss with me.
2. She also enjoys pigs feet.
3. The weird aftertaste you have from mixing freshly brushed teeth with milk doesn't bother her.
4. She will allow you to put anything, anywhere.

Which led to his next question, "Is toe sucking like a gateway drug?!" Yes, yes it is. And you are her local pusher.

Death Penalty by Firing Squad. This article baffled me on my way to work this morning. A man in Utah elected to die at the hands of a firing squad. Here is an article about him.

Whether you agree with the death penalty or not, does a firing squad not seem a little odd to you? I know it sparked a lot of questions for me, such as:

1. What's the selection process for the firing squad? Do they get paid over time?
2. Is it like lethal injection in that families and other witnesses can attend?
3. After the deed has been done (you know, he's been shot by a gang of people), who cleans it up?
4. Do they remove the bullets for official records?

Finally, the article in the Express mentioned a few States having the firing squad as a back up in the event that lethal injection or the chair are declared unconstitutional. I'm sorry, I thought the whole debate was whether or not humans should "play God" and determine if someone lives or dies. I'm not sure how a firing squad is more constitutionally sound than lethal injection, unless you're in Texas. Anything can get blasted in Texas.

Chivalry is "dead". This is why. A while back, when leaving Filene's Basement, I witnessed an interesting scenario. The store has 3 sets of double doors. A young, professionally dressed, "well-kept" black man was at the door on the far left. Just as my friend and I approached this door, we noticed that he opened it for a young, white woman entering the store. Seeing this, the woman walked to the complete opposite door and left the man only with the ability to shake his head. What's this about?! Maybe she's doing the Destiny's Child "Independent Women" thing and would do this if any man opened the door for her. That doesn't explain the vivid fearful expression on her face. Maybe its a race thing. Maybe she's from SE DC and a nicely dressed black man makes her want to clutch her purse.

Forget her. I like to be self sufficient and all that jazz, but I do appreciate when a man opens a door for me or offers his seat on the Metro. However, I do not feel entitled to these things; you aren't going to get a stank look from me if you don't lay your blazer (Velvet, if you are African ;)) over a puddle so I don't get my toes wet. Women need to make a decision. Look for Captain Save a Hoe or don't. I'm not saying you are not entitled to a gentleman. I'm just saying if your ringtone is "She got her own", open your own damn door without feeling some kind of way about it.

Things that make me say "Hmmmmm"

I like to think that I'm a relatively simple girl.  Of course I'm complicated when it comes to my innermost emotions and such, but for the most part... I'm a simple girl.  I'm also a "serial monogamist".  Often, friends ask me how it is that I'm always able to find a good guy and they can't.  I don't have a good answer to that, as what is good for me might be terrible for them... or even that the grass isn't always as green as it looks. Either way, though I'm not in a relationship now, I have been very lucky in love.  I fully attribute it to what I look for / appreciate in a man that is to be my "boo".  Here are a few of the things (both meaningful and shallow) that impress me:

Sidenote: This post will soon be followed by one that details things that do NOT impress me.

1) You listen.  I mean REALLY listen.  I'm an open person for the most part it's not difficult to learn general information about me.  I'm a talker.  I have Facebook.  Anyone can figure out where I went to school, that I like to shop and that I love bacon.  However, if you remember the little things like... ordering my double cheeseburger with no onions or pickles or surprising me with a CD you remember me mentioning, I appreciate it.  There are things that I have major issues with, like my inability to deal with people letting me down.  This inability leads me to be very resistant to letting people in.  I can't let you in if you don't listen.  If we have met several times and on each occasion you ask "what do you do?", you have better odds of jumping off of a cliff and surviving than you do of getting more of my time.  I'm not asking that you remember my title, date of hire, supervisors name.... I'm just asking that you remember that we have had this damn conversation.

2) Attentiveness.  In addition to listening, it needs to be clear to me that I'm a priority to you.  I'm not saying you have to spend all your time with me, or be constantly under me while we're together. I just like to know that you're concerned with me, whether or not I'm good... and if I'm not, you're willing to do something about it.

3) We can be goofy together.  I am easily tickled by things.  I do random things and have random thoughts that people can't always relate to.  I like having someone in my life who also has these random outbursts and feels comfortable sharing them with me... and also doesn't look at me crazy when I do it. 

4) I love blazers, ties, vests and a nice pair of drivers (boat shoes).  A man that will allow me to dress him is impeccably wise, and such a turn on.  These particular articles of clothing make my heart beat just a little (a lot) bit faster.  I'm gonna make you look good.  Some girls think that this is foolish of me, as I'm making you more marketable to other women... but it gives me a certain sense of pride.  Especially when someone compliments you and you give me the credit. 

5) You have to love to cuddle.  That's pretty much it.

6) You can fluctuate between being a "mover and shaker" to a "couch potato".  I love going out, dancing, and I love having my boo there.  I also love ordering pizza and watching movies on the couch all day.  I want you there for both.

7) You can stimulate me intellectually/socially/emotionally.  I can talk about pretty much anything; I love having a conversation with you that makes me want to do some research, make a conscious decision to do something different in my day to day life, or feel extra warm and fuzzy inside because you've tapped into my emotions.

8) I love to spoil my boo.  Some men don't know how to handle it.  I just want you to smile, say thank you and give me the business.  Simple as that.

9) You know how to make me feel comfortable.  I like confident men, but not aggressive ones.  Knowing how to make me feel safe with you is a huge deal.  Additionally, I don't handle stress the best... your ability to put me at ease will not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Metro Courtesy

With my new found employment, I've had the pleasure of riding the Metro again. This post is from my Blackberry and are simply my requests for this Friday, June 4th.

1) Don't smell

2) If there are a ton of seats available, don't come sit next to me with all of your shit. I don't want to be smooshed up against the window because you have a purse, backpack stroller and a fanny pack. Get your own damn seat.

3) Let the old people sit down. They are old, they've earned it. And DC kids, don't roll your eyes at the old people who ask to take your spot in "Priority Seating"...

4)" These doors are not like elevator doors"... People hear it daily but apparently don't want to believe it. They will shut on your laptop bag, arm, wheelchair or child. You do not have a right of passage to yell at the Metro Gods because you've gotten yourself in this predicament. If anything, the train operator should pull off with your dumbass half in the door. After doing that, I bet you won't do that shit again. More importantly, if it's rush hour, calm the fuck down. I promise another train is coming in 2 (two) minutes... Unless you live on the Red line.

5) If you choose to ignore the request of the use of your common damn sense in #4, please heed this advice: After you have sacrificed your body, mind and dignity wrestling with the "sliding metal bastards" don't expect everyone that you've inadvertently violated on the train to be pleasant. No, I will not move. I will not relinquish my position holding the vertical poles and switch to monkey bar poles for you. You are not worthy.

6) Speaking of self worth, if you have determined that your life (or that of another) is not worthwhile, please resolve this issue in an area that is *not* a metro station. I'm very sorry that the only option you seem to have is to jump in front of a moving train or to push someone into one, however... I (and many other commuters) would really appreciate it if you stopped doing this. Especially during rush hour. Especially on the Red line. If you just can't find another effective method, could you maybe consider doing it at Huntington?

7) I don't want to hear your go-go bullshit. Turn it down or get some earphones (if you are blasting it from your phones speaker).

8) Don't fall asleep on me. I'm not your 'Sleep Number'.

9) Don't sneeze on the back of my neck. That shit is rude.

*I will spell check and format later*