My grandmother is one of my role models. More so than anyone else, I get my sense of independence from her. She raised 3 kids on her own and never asked anyone for anything. She always expressed to me how important it is to be able to take care of you and that you should never depend on a man for that. Her dad was useless and so was her babies daddy... So maybe her perception was a little tainted... Nonetheless...its the source of my development of the following views:
1) Digging for gold only gets you coal. Truth be told, it's not hard to find a man who will shower you with stuff. Men have different approaches to getting the pu-nan... And a lot associate material items with sex. You get that new Coach purse and he gets the cooch. For a while, you may not have an issue with that...but eventually you will grow up. And when you do, you'll realize that you're probably with a man who can shower you with material things but not love, support, affection, or true companionship.
2) If I want it, I can get it myself. It's nice to have someone surprise you with jewelry to show you they care... (by all means, don't stop :D) but expecting them to buy everything from your deodorant to your tampons, your sandals to your winter coat is ridiculous. What are YOU going to do for YOU if you require/let him do e-ver-y-thing?! More importantly, I think women too often associate whether or not a man is a "good" one by his ability to take care of you. The problem with that is that women don't seem to think men are allowed to expect the same thing. If I were a man, and I had a girl expecting me to fully provide for her, pay for every date, use all my gas going to see her... I would never marry her. How would I know she a) understands that relationships are 50/50 b) would be able to take care of me?
3) I can buy my own dinner, and yours too. This has been a hot topic in past dating-ships, relationships and conversations with friends about the expectations of men and women who are dating. I had a man who got upset with me because I paid for my own McDonalds during a study break. No, I'm not trying to insult your man-hood...but I'd have to pay for it if you weren't here... So what's the big deal?! and the first time I paid for his dinner, it was like this epic ordeal. We both work hard, and it would be selfish to think that my money is too precious spend but yours is not. Furthermore, I've heard women say that they won't kiss a guy at the end of the night who didn't pay for everything. What the fuck does paying have to do with kissing?! I also know some girls who are put off by the idea of a man using a coupon on a first date. What the hell difference does it make if he spent 100% or 75%?! You won't date him again because this man capitalized on a bargain?! As far as I'm concerned there are 3 general rules to determining who pays for a date:
A) If you say you want to take me somewhere, you pay.
B) If I say I want to take you somewhere (don't worry, it will actually happen), I pay.
C) If we mutually agree to go somewhere or try something out, we split it.
* If you continuously invite me places, I will offer to pay all or pay half at least 50% of the time.
4) One day, I will be barefoot, pregnant and useless. Knowing that I'm going to have to allow my husband to provide for me 100% makes my stomach queasy. So, if we are dating (and I could see myself marrying you), occasionally I'll say something like, "I've got this one... Because one day I will be preggers and useless". Don't question it, just give me a kiss and drink your drink.
* as usual, will edit any spelling or grammatical errors later
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
10 Signs....
Today, I received an email that claimed to be able to help me determine whether or not I'm dating the guy of my dreams, here's the article: 10 signs you are dating the guy of your dreams
Though I'm not dating... a girl can still dream, right?!
Aside from the fact that this writer has been married and divorced twice (which she takes the time to note) her 10 indicating factors are pretty f-in lame if you ask me! They all sound like they were written by a boy-crazy, semi-stalker.... and most of these things... you can feel about a friend... or a person you just like!
Here are ten I can think of on my train ride home:
1) He understands that I believe in my heart I'm always right. Or at least 90% right with no margin for error. And even though it is completely feasible that I can always be right, if the earth falls out of alignment and I mystically end up in that 10% window of wrong... He knows how to check me the correct way. This means he'll hit me with a "Babe, think about it this way" versus a "Bitch, you're stupid".
2) I can be my actual self around him. There are a lot of versions of me. I've had boyfriends who had no idea how truly silly/random/sensitive/funny/brash/ass-holeish I can be. A few didn't "allow" me to. Like asking me to not curse, ever. Yeahhhh, no. I don't sing. I can't sing. But if my song comes on, best believe I'm gonna be a singing fool. I do that around very few. If you see all facets of me - high, low, weak, strong that's a sign that you can stick around.
3) You have to like to eat. I'm a fatty. Recently dubbed "Slim Fats" by one of my friends... It is very clear that I enjoy food. If we can't go to Fogo De Chao and be in food heaven together, you aren't the one for me darling.
4) My man has to eat PORK bacon. Period. Not that fake turkey shit. Real men eat real bacon. I've been told that I shouldn't expect a man to be able to consume mass amounts of bacon and still be of any use to me when it comes to sex. Well, I disagree. Eat this bacon and then do me up reaaaal good!
5) He understands that my need to declare independence with men is fear driven. And he can handle it. I was let down by two of the most important men in my life; as such, letting you provide for me financially is a concept I can't wrap my mind around. I've shown signs of progress throughout the years, but this will take some more time.
6) You give head. Period. Can't marry or seriously date someone who doesn't. Absolute deal breaker. Nope. Won't. Fucking. Do. It.
7) You hold my hand and show me off. Nothing makes me feel quite like I do when you introduce me as your girlfriend with pride... Or show the world that I belong to you. I had a serious boyfriend who never did this. To me, its a clear reflection of how you feel towards me. Saying it is cool... But having other people be able to detect it because of how we treat each other is great.
8) You get along with my mother. The older I get, the more I realize I did actually come from hervagina womb. I am more like her than I ever imagined and I think some of my best qualities mirror her. While my mom is accepting of everyone, her saying "I don't worry about you because I know ____ will take care of you" is a clear sign that I'm in good hands.
9) You are my person and I am yours. I don't understand couples who don't consider each other their best friend. That's like couples who don't have sex. What's the point?! I want to be able to talk to you about everything. Share excitement with you and cry if I need to.
Though I'm not dating... a girl can still dream, right?!
Aside from the fact that this writer has been married and divorced twice (which she takes the time to note) her 10 indicating factors are pretty f-in lame if you ask me! They all sound like they were written by a boy-crazy, semi-stalker.... and most of these things... you can feel about a friend... or a person you just like!
Here are ten I can think of on my train ride home:
1) He understands that I believe in my heart I'm always right. Or at least 90% right with no margin for error. And even though it is completely feasible that I can always be right, if the earth falls out of alignment and I mystically end up in that 10% window of wrong... He knows how to check me the correct way. This means he'll hit me with a "Babe, think about it this way" versus a "Bitch, you're stupid".
2) I can be my actual self around him. There are a lot of versions of me. I've had boyfriends who had no idea how truly silly/random/sensitive/funny/brash/ass-holeish I can be. A few didn't "allow" me to. Like asking me to not curse, ever. Yeahhhh, no. I don't sing. I can't sing. But if my song comes on, best believe I'm gonna be a singing fool. I do that around very few. If you see all facets of me - high, low, weak, strong that's a sign that you can stick around.
3) You have to like to eat. I'm a fatty. Recently dubbed "Slim Fats" by one of my friends... It is very clear that I enjoy food. If we can't go to Fogo De Chao and be in food heaven together, you aren't the one for me darling.
4) My man has to eat PORK bacon. Period. Not that fake turkey shit. Real men eat real bacon. I've been told that I shouldn't expect a man to be able to consume mass amounts of bacon and still be of any use to me when it comes to sex. Well, I disagree. Eat this bacon and then do me up reaaaal good!
5) He understands that my need to declare independence with men is fear driven. And he can handle it. I was let down by two of the most important men in my life; as such, letting you provide for me financially is a concept I can't wrap my mind around. I've shown signs of progress throughout the years, but this will take some more time.
6) You give head. Period. Can't marry or seriously date someone who doesn't. Absolute deal breaker. Nope. Won't. Fucking. Do. It.
7) You hold my hand and show me off. Nothing makes me feel quite like I do when you introduce me as your girlfriend with pride... Or show the world that I belong to you. I had a serious boyfriend who never did this. To me, its a clear reflection of how you feel towards me. Saying it is cool... But having other people be able to detect it because of how we treat each other is great.
8) You get along with my mother. The older I get, the more I realize I did actually come from her
9) You are my person and I am yours. I don't understand couples who don't consider each other their best friend. That's like couples who don't have sex. What's the point?! I want to be able to talk to you about everything. Share excitement with you and cry if I need to.
10) I like non-traditional gender roles. I understand this is a sensitive subject for the masses. My dream guy won't "expect" dinner when he comes home. We both work and mofo, I'm tired too. However, a man who shows appreciation for me will be catered. I will clean up after you, iron, cook, bring your food to you (even though I might not admit any of this in mixed company)... if I know that I'm truly appreciated. A little appreciation and respect go a long way.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Don't buy this cow, milk it for free
My guy friend sent me a link to this blog, asking for my feedback: http://themochacafe.com/2010/07/01/sharing-the-lease-the-knock-off-marriage/
While I can respect her stance, I totally disagree with the entire argument. To give this post some credibility, I have the experience of living with a man (a former boo) for about a year. Even though I'm single and living Solo Dolo now, I'm still an avid advocate of "try before you buy". And here's why:
1) You never move in with someone as an alternative to getting engaged. That's dumb on your part. If you want to be engaged, tell him. If he's not on what you're on, don't "settle" for living together if that's not what you truly want to do. I didn't have engagement on my mind when we signed our lease. Why? Because this would help determine whether or not I truly want to take that step with you. One can easily say "I want to marry him", and I did. However, "I want to marry him and all the bullshit that comes with" is a completely different commitment. There are things you JUST DON'T KNOW until you've lived together, and most of those things... I'm not trying to find out after "I do".
2) Truthfully, if you decide to move in with a man... You've decided to play "House". And when you play that game, you are the faux-wife and he is the faux-husband. The beauty of the "faux" prefix is that you don't HAVE to do any of those things if you don't want to. You don't want to cook dinner every night, well simple bitch... Don't! What's he gonna do? Spank you (though I'm all for that ;))? Divorce you? Can't, he didn't put a ring on it. He will make a bowl of cereal if he's really hungry and watch a game on TV. If your concern is things not being "fair"...well sweetie, life isn't fair. And you are concerned with the wrong thing. If you can justify pulling all the household weight, because you have a ring and a title, you are caught up on the aesthetics. What you should concentrate on is a man who's appreciative of all you do and provides help either on his own or when asked. Just because you get the bling doesn't mean he'll ever appreciate you, same with kids. So suck that shit up and load the dishwasher knowing your man will help you unload it.
3) Space can be an issue when you share a place. The biggest thing I learned was effective communication. Saying "I need time for myself" and leaving is much different from "Fuck you" followed by a storm out. When I live with someone again, I will be sure we talk about that in the beginning. I need my time away too, and you have to know how to ask for it.
4) You get to see your best friend, everyday. When the world has wronged you, he's there to eat icecream out of the carton with you or wrestle with you or just hold your hand. You don't have to drive anywhere, get on the Metro...he's already there.
5) I believe marriages and serious relationships fail when people try to join two lives that have been separate for a long time. It takes work, living with someone. No doubt. But it teaches you a lot about the other person. If you really want to be engaged, you need to know how this person handles stress, finances, etc. Before you say your pre- "I do". If you live together first, that shit is worked out by the time you're married. If not, he wasn't for you.
6) While you don't have the title or the ring, you should never move in without the mutual understanding of how important it is to each of you. Are ya'll going to treat this like roommates or something more? I'm fortunate that we were on the same page as to the severity of this commitment. Do your homework.
7) Lastly, yes.. You were emotionally invested..and if it doesn't work out..it sucks. It would suck if you didn't live together. If you have to worry about the financial ruin you're in... You were with a true asshole. Because any monetary issues created while you were together should be addressed by each of you fairly post break up.
Bottom line, if you've resolved that its not a good look for you...so be it. But if I get a free pass for a sneak preview? Best believe I'm going to see the show.
While I can respect her stance, I totally disagree with the entire argument. To give this post some credibility, I have the experience of living with a man (a former boo) for about a year. Even though I'm single and living Solo Dolo now, I'm still an avid advocate of "try before you buy". And here's why:
1) You never move in with someone as an alternative to getting engaged. That's dumb on your part. If you want to be engaged, tell him. If he's not on what you're on, don't "settle" for living together if that's not what you truly want to do. I didn't have engagement on my mind when we signed our lease. Why? Because this would help determine whether or not I truly want to take that step with you. One can easily say "I want to marry him", and I did. However, "I want to marry him and all the bullshit that comes with" is a completely different commitment. There are things you JUST DON'T KNOW until you've lived together, and most of those things... I'm not trying to find out after "I do".
2) Truthfully, if you decide to move in with a man... You've decided to play "House". And when you play that game, you are the faux-wife and he is the faux-husband. The beauty of the "faux" prefix is that you don't HAVE to do any of those things if you don't want to. You don't want to cook dinner every night, well simple bitch... Don't! What's he gonna do? Spank you (though I'm all for that ;))? Divorce you? Can't, he didn't put a ring on it. He will make a bowl of cereal if he's really hungry and watch a game on TV. If your concern is things not being "fair"...well sweetie, life isn't fair. And you are concerned with the wrong thing. If you can justify pulling all the household weight, because you have a ring and a title, you are caught up on the aesthetics. What you should concentrate on is a man who's appreciative of all you do and provides help either on his own or when asked. Just because you get the bling doesn't mean he'll ever appreciate you, same with kids. So suck that shit up and load the dishwasher knowing your man will help you unload it.
3) Space can be an issue when you share a place. The biggest thing I learned was effective communication. Saying "I need time for myself" and leaving is much different from "Fuck you" followed by a storm out. When I live with someone again, I will be sure we talk about that in the beginning. I need my time away too, and you have to know how to ask for it.
4) You get to see your best friend, everyday. When the world has wronged you, he's there to eat icecream out of the carton with you or wrestle with you or just hold your hand. You don't have to drive anywhere, get on the Metro...he's already there.
5) I believe marriages and serious relationships fail when people try to join two lives that have been separate for a long time. It takes work, living with someone. No doubt. But it teaches you a lot about the other person. If you really want to be engaged, you need to know how this person handles stress, finances, etc. Before you say your pre- "I do". If you live together first, that shit is worked out by the time you're married. If not, he wasn't for you.
6) While you don't have the title or the ring, you should never move in without the mutual understanding of how important it is to each of you. Are ya'll going to treat this like roommates or something more? I'm fortunate that we were on the same page as to the severity of this commitment. Do your homework.
7) Lastly, yes.. You were emotionally invested..and if it doesn't work out..it sucks. It would suck if you didn't live together. If you have to worry about the financial ruin you're in... You were with a true asshole. Because any monetary issues created while you were together should be addressed by each of you fairly post break up.
Bottom line, if you've resolved that its not a good look for you...so be it. But if I get a free pass for a sneak preview? Best believe I'm going to see the show.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Birthday Sex & Relationship Courtesy
Theme music for this posting....
From what I gather, people should be blogging about their worst sexual encounters today. Being the relationship girl, I don't have much to report. One of the beauties of being in a relationship (besides the companionship, hand holding, having someone share their last piece of cheesecake with you) is your genuine desire to make the other person's sexual desires and needs your priority. As such, I'm just going to blog about something I was completely outraged over after a conversation with a dear friend of mine yesterday.
Side note about this friend: I don't know how he knows, because we've never been intimate, but he can always tell when I've gotten some and when I haven't. Apparently, my entire demeanor changes. As such, I can talk to him openly about whatever is on my mind about sex, ask questions for a guys perspective, etc.
Anywho, my buddy celebrated his birthday this weekend. So naturally, I ask him what he did and if he got any great birthday head/sex. He said "no" to head [crickets] and then "no" to sex [louder crickets]. At which point, I had a rash response and told him he could never marry her. Here nor there. Here's the point. You are in a committed monogamous relationship. You'd be livid if he went and got birthday head/sex elsewhere. This is your girlfriendly duty. On this day, you are his sex slave. You make your own homemade freaking whip cream and make it do what it do. This man makes your bed (which makes no sense, because you're going to just jump back into it), he deals with your whack friends, he doesn't get sex from you on a daily basis and he picks up tomatoes from the store when you ask (even when he doesn't feel like it). This is his ONE day of the year that's just for him. Unless you are sick and dying, out of my presence for reasons beyond your control, as my boo.... you need to provide me mind blowing birthday head and sex. Fuck cake, candles, flowers (though, I want all that too) GIVE ME HEAD!
And he better not put his tongue nowhere near her girl parts come her birthday. You hear me?! Better. Damn. Not.
From what I gather, people should be blogging about their worst sexual encounters today. Being the relationship girl, I don't have much to report. One of the beauties of being in a relationship (besides the companionship, hand holding, having someone share their last piece of cheesecake with you) is your genuine desire to make the other person's sexual desires and needs your priority. As such, I'm just going to blog about something I was completely outraged over after a conversation with a dear friend of mine yesterday.
Side note about this friend: I don't know how he knows, because we've never been intimate, but he can always tell when I've gotten some and when I haven't. Apparently, my entire demeanor changes. As such, I can talk to him openly about whatever is on my mind about sex, ask questions for a guys perspective, etc.
Anywho, my buddy celebrated his birthday this weekend. So naturally, I ask him what he did and if he got any great birthday head/sex. He said "no" to head [crickets] and then "no" to sex [louder crickets]. At which point, I had a rash response and told him he could never marry her. Here nor there. Here's the point. You are in a committed monogamous relationship. You'd be livid if he went and got birthday head/sex elsewhere. This is your girlfriendly duty. On this day, you are his sex slave. You make your own homemade freaking whip cream and make it do what it do. This man makes your bed (which makes no sense, because you're going to just jump back into it), he deals with your whack friends, he doesn't get sex from you on a daily basis and he picks up tomatoes from the store when you ask (even when he doesn't feel like it). This is his ONE day of the year that's just for him. Unless you are sick and dying, out of my presence for reasons beyond your control, as my boo.... you need to provide me mind blowing birthday head and sex. Fuck cake, candles, flowers (though, I want all that too) GIVE ME HEAD!
And he better not put his tongue nowhere near her girl parts come her birthday. You hear me?! Better. Damn. Not.
What Not To Flaunt
As promised, this post is about characteristics, showpieces, antics that will not draw me closer to a man.
1) More so than any other rule, this one must be followed because it actually impacts me. Do not, I repeat (for the tards out there), put your hands on my waist, hips, ass, elbow, neck, shoulder, belly button... None of that! If the only way you can get my attention is by touch, an arm tap is the absolute furthest you should go. It's common sense that you respect one's bubble. If you insist on intruding, don't be inappropriate with it. Because you are a stranger, I have to be concerned with the germs you are passing off on me. Did you wash your hands after you masturbated last? If not, keep those puppies in your pockets. Nothing more disgusting than going home trying to figure out why your forearm smells like man goo. Gross.
2) Does your chain hang low? I appreciate the song just as much as the next southerner raised and surrounded by gold teef and gold plated neck wear...however, I'm not backing it up on you to "hold your [fake ass] ice". If you're 23 and up (and you are, because you verified by throwing your hand up when the DJ asked) you need to step your grown man game up. Period. Do you own a car? A home? Are you at least thinking about it?!Personal plug: I sell real estate. Do you have tangible goals to attain some sort of financial stability? Probably not, because you're throwing away money on trash. If you're in a market of throwing away money, I have some bills you could put in on instead.
3) Baby momma drama. I know we are all young at one point, make mistakes, etc etc... But keep your babies and their momma's away from me. A) I don't need your kid getting attached to me and calling me "mom". I'm 25 and child-less. That's not by luck; that's by design. And while your kid may be cute and cuddly and draw pictures and all that, my life plan is as follows: Continue taking baby-blocking drugs everyday until my husband and I decide we want to grace the world with our beautiful babies. B) I don't want any parts of the drama with your former fling. It's just not appealing. I don't need her calling me, texting me or giving me the side eye when your kid gives me a sticker.
4) Cheap gestures. I'm no gold digger. I make my own, I get my own. However, if you insist on trying to whoo me...please don't suck at it. Real life example: After a night out, I made my usual run to McDonald's. French fries are my drunk food o' choice. When I pull up in the drive-thru, there was a car in front of me and I noticed the driver trying to check me out from his side view mirror. I ordered my food and moved up to the window. When I go to hand over my debit card, the guy says (must be read with a heavy, native Spanish speaking accent) "The man in the car in front of you paid for you because he just thinks you are so, so beautiful and would like for you to give your number to me for him". Blank stare. It was two dollars and twelve cents. If you're usually successful at getting a girl's number after whipping out $2.12...maybe you should consider a different breed of girl. Then again, maybe not.
5) Whispering in my ear in a club. It IS loud in here, I give you that...but don't come up to me and whisper "All this in my pants, that's for you baby girl". Double ew.
6) Speaking of stunting... Your super nice BMW or Benz (or the like) would be impressive...if you had the swag to go with it. When you and your boys are parking lot pimpin' or acting like idiots outside of the club, it raises two questions: 1) Is that a rental? Because you are doing too much in order to be seen. If it's actually yours...people will see you in it...all the time. 2) Where do you live? If you share an apartment with all the mofos in your car in District Heights... You need to re-prioritize. If you can't afford a decent apartment on your own, don't over-invest in a luxury vehicle.
7) I know I'm fuck-worthy. Most people with vaginas are. But I don't need you to dirty talk me in public and I don't know you. You think it's appropriate to tell me how hard you'd do me. Good for you. I guess. Get the hell away from me. Nasty ass.
1) More so than any other rule, this one must be followed because it actually impacts me. Do not, I repeat (for the tards out there), put your hands on my waist, hips, ass, elbow, neck, shoulder, belly button... None of that! If the only way you can get my attention is by touch, an arm tap is the absolute furthest you should go. It's common sense that you respect one's bubble. If you insist on intruding, don't be inappropriate with it. Because you are a stranger, I have to be concerned with the germs you are passing off on me. Did you wash your hands after you masturbated last? If not, keep those puppies in your pockets. Nothing more disgusting than going home trying to figure out why your forearm smells like man goo. Gross.
2) Does your chain hang low? I appreciate the song just as much as the next southerner raised and surrounded by gold teef and gold plated neck wear...however, I'm not backing it up on you to "hold your [fake ass] ice". If you're 23 and up (and you are, because you verified by throwing your hand up when the DJ asked) you need to step your grown man game up. Period. Do you own a car? A home? Are you at least thinking about it?!
3) Baby momma drama. I know we are all young at one point, make mistakes, etc etc... But keep your babies and their momma's away from me. A) I don't need your kid getting attached to me and calling me "mom". I'm 25 and child-less. That's not by luck; that's by design. And while your kid may be cute and cuddly and draw pictures and all that, my life plan is as follows: Continue taking baby-blocking drugs everyday until my husband and I decide we want to grace the world with our beautiful babies. B) I don't want any parts of the drama with your former fling. It's just not appealing. I don't need her calling me, texting me or giving me the side eye when your kid gives me a sticker.
4) Cheap gestures. I'm no gold digger. I make my own, I get my own. However, if you insist on trying to whoo me...please don't suck at it. Real life example: After a night out, I made my usual run to McDonald's. French fries are my drunk food o' choice. When I pull up in the drive-thru, there was a car in front of me and I noticed the driver trying to check me out from his side view mirror. I ordered my food and moved up to the window. When I go to hand over my debit card, the guy says (must be read with a heavy, native Spanish speaking accent) "The man in the car in front of you paid for you because he just thinks you are so, so beautiful and would like for you to give your number to me for him". Blank stare. It was two dollars and twelve cents. If you're usually successful at getting a girl's number after whipping out $2.12...maybe you should consider a different breed of girl. Then again, maybe not.
5) Whispering in my ear in a club. It IS loud in here, I give you that...but don't come up to me and whisper "All this in my pants, that's for you baby girl". Double ew.
6) Speaking of stunting... Your super nice BMW or Benz (or the like) would be impressive...if you had the swag to go with it. When you and your boys are parking lot pimpin' or acting like idiots outside of the club, it raises two questions: 1) Is that a rental? Because you are doing too much in order to be seen. If it's actually yours...people will see you in it...all the time. 2) Where do you live? If you share an apartment with all the mofos in your car in District Heights... You need to re-prioritize. If you can't afford a decent apartment on your own, don't over-invest in a luxury vehicle.
7) I know I'm fuck-worthy. Most people with vaginas are. But I don't need you to dirty talk me in public and I don't know you. You think it's appropriate to tell me how hard you'd do me. Good for you. I guess. Get the hell away from me. Nasty ass.
Friday, July 9, 2010
How many of us have them?
Over the years, some of the people who have burned me the most were people I considered to be my best friends. In the past 6-8 months, I have experienced some major life changes and in those changes, found out some truths about people that I considered to be irreplaceable. As a friend, I have a very definitive set of things I do for those I consider to be my friends:
1) Friendships work both ways, no matter the structure of your friendship. I have friends that I hardly ever speak to, text, email, etc. It's just the nature of our friendship. If we are ever in the same town, there is no doubt that we are going to hang out, catch up and have a great time. If you normally communicate via text, chat, phone, Skype, etc. it is the responsibility of both parties to keep this flow going. In general, I'm not a phone person, my friends know that I don't expect them to call me and shouldn't anticipate my calls. However, I will text/chat with you all day. It is still not solely my responsibility to initiate this communication. If I'm important to you, you will communicate with me in the means that you like most. For example, I have a friend who would prefer to talk over texting. So we try to alternate between the two. He will text for me, I talk for him.
2) Friends tell friends the truth. This is probably one of the things my friends would say they like least about me. However, I want my friends to be honest with me and I can only expect to do the same. Like I mentioned earlier, I have been burned by friends. I've over-exerted myself for them, only to receive nothing (not a favor when I needed it or a simple "Thank You" in return). Not only was I depressed for a semester of college when I realized those people weren't my true friends, it made me consider what I will and won't tolerate in a friendship. Some things might not seem like a big deal to others, but it's what I know is best for me. If you are my friend and you do something I can't tolerate, I'm going to tell you. I tell you because I love you, I want you to know why I'm acting differently towards you and I'd like to fix it. If you aren't my friend, you get nothing. As my friend, I expect you to do the same. Let me know I have wronged you versus me hearing from a third party that I pissed you off and you're no longer talking to me.
3) Friends are not selfish. I'm not Burger King, mofo. I like to please people, but I'm not a people pleaser. You want someone to tell you you're pretty or be around whenever you decide you're ready, keep rolling past this station because I'm not the one. I have a friend who has always used me. Used me to help plan her life, decorate her apartment, create her budgets but very rarely is open to do things for me. I try to keep in contact with this friend, because I truly care about her... But in every attempt she proves my point. I can never talk to her without her asking me to do some sort of favor. I've been through a break up, a lay off, a move, a job change, adopted a dog and she NEVER asks me about any of that. She just tells me what I said I would do and didn't. I don't mention all the times she has said she would visit me and hasn't. I've over-invested and now I'm giving that stock away to someone who will tolerate your bullshit.
4) Friends are there when you need them. Even if they don't continuously say so. I have a few people who actually "know" me. As such, I don't have to constantly tell them when I need a hug, a boob squeeze or some tequila. They just know and they check on me. I do the same for them. Note: If when I ask you if your doing alright, you always say "Nothing is wrong... I will tell you if there is"... I'm not going to do this as often. As your friend, I will drop/change all my plans if you say you need me. If that means I'm sitting and helping you drink half pitchers of margaritas (even though I'd already been drinking and I planned to stop for a few hours) I'm gonna do that. Because that's what will make you feel better. And in the long run, I will feel better too :D
5) Friends understand that you cannot always be their friend. I don't do well with needy friends. As previously discussed, I will tell you that I think you may have more needs than what I can handle. I warn you that I'm not good at maintaining those types of relationships. I will let you decide versus being a shitty friend to you. It may be best that we don't continue to be friends. With exes, this also applies. Any ex I've ever had, I can't be your friend at first. As my boyfriend, you were placed in a different category than anyone else in my life. Depending on the reasons we parted, I can try but probably won't be able to be cool with you instantly. I would love to maintain those relationships, but unfortunately you're still in that "he will never let me down" category. And friends always let friends down. Intentionally or not, and that's something I've learned I can't tolerate. If I keep trying anyway... Well damnit, you're special.
6) Friends don't flake on you without letting you know they are going to flake. I understand things change, plans change, shit comes up, people get tired... we are all guilty of it. There have plenty of times where I'm looking forward to going out all day long and when it finally comes down to it... I've lost the energy, desire, motivation. If this happens, I'm going to give my friends the courtesy of letting them know as soon as I feel that way... so they can update their plans accordingly. Friends ask you to do things because they care about you and they want to hang out with you; if you can't always do that... fine. But show them you care about them by being a tad bit courteous.
1) Friendships work both ways, no matter the structure of your friendship. I have friends that I hardly ever speak to, text, email, etc. It's just the nature of our friendship. If we are ever in the same town, there is no doubt that we are going to hang out, catch up and have a great time. If you normally communicate via text, chat, phone, Skype, etc. it is the responsibility of both parties to keep this flow going. In general, I'm not a phone person, my friends know that I don't expect them to call me and shouldn't anticipate my calls. However, I will text/chat with you all day. It is still not solely my responsibility to initiate this communication. If I'm important to you, you will communicate with me in the means that you like most. For example, I have a friend who would prefer to talk over texting. So we try to alternate between the two. He will text for me, I talk for him.
2) Friends tell friends the truth. This is probably one of the things my friends would say they like least about me. However, I want my friends to be honest with me and I can only expect to do the same. Like I mentioned earlier, I have been burned by friends. I've over-exerted myself for them, only to receive nothing (not a favor when I needed it or a simple "Thank You" in return). Not only was I depressed for a semester of college when I realized those people weren't my true friends, it made me consider what I will and won't tolerate in a friendship. Some things might not seem like a big deal to others, but it's what I know is best for me. If you are my friend and you do something I can't tolerate, I'm going to tell you. I tell you because I love you, I want you to know why I'm acting differently towards you and I'd like to fix it. If you aren't my friend, you get nothing. As my friend, I expect you to do the same. Let me know I have wronged you versus me hearing from a third party that I pissed you off and you're no longer talking to me.
3) Friends are not selfish. I'm not Burger King, mofo. I like to please people, but I'm not a people pleaser. You want someone to tell you you're pretty or be around whenever you decide you're ready, keep rolling past this station because I'm not the one. I have a friend who has always used me. Used me to help plan her life, decorate her apartment, create her budgets but very rarely is open to do things for me. I try to keep in contact with this friend, because I truly care about her... But in every attempt she proves my point. I can never talk to her without her asking me to do some sort of favor. I've been through a break up, a lay off, a move, a job change, adopted a dog and she NEVER asks me about any of that. She just tells me what I said I would do and didn't. I don't mention all the times she has said she would visit me and hasn't. I've over-invested and now I'm giving that stock away to someone who will tolerate your bullshit.
4) Friends are there when you need them. Even if they don't continuously say so. I have a few people who actually "know" me. As such, I don't have to constantly tell them when I need a hug, a boob squeeze or some tequila. They just know and they check on me. I do the same for them. Note: If when I ask you if your doing alright, you always say "Nothing is wrong... I will tell you if there is"... I'm not going to do this as often. As your friend, I will drop/change all my plans if you say you need me. If that means I'm sitting and helping you drink half pitchers of margaritas (even though I'd already been drinking and I planned to stop for a few hours) I'm gonna do that. Because that's what will make you feel better. And in the long run, I will feel better too :D
5) Friends understand that you cannot always be their friend. I don't do well with needy friends. As previously discussed, I will tell you that I think you may have more needs than what I can handle. I warn you that I'm not good at maintaining those types of relationships. I will let you decide versus being a shitty friend to you. It may be best that we don't continue to be friends. With exes, this also applies. Any ex I've ever had, I can't be your friend at first. As my boyfriend, you were placed in a different category than anyone else in my life. Depending on the reasons we parted, I can try but probably won't be able to be cool with you instantly. I would love to maintain those relationships, but unfortunately you're still in that "he will never let me down" category. And friends always let friends down. Intentionally or not, and that's something I've learned I can't tolerate. If I keep trying anyway... Well damnit, you're special.
6) Friends don't flake on you without letting you know they are going to flake. I understand things change, plans change, shit comes up, people get tired... we are all guilty of it. There have plenty of times where I'm looking forward to going out all day long and when it finally comes down to it... I've lost the energy, desire, motivation. If this happens, I'm going to give my friends the courtesy of letting them know as soon as I feel that way... so they can update their plans accordingly. Friends ask you to do things because they care about you and they want to hang out with you; if you can't always do that... fine. But show them you care about them by being a tad bit courteous.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The 4AM Post
If I could have stayed up later to prevent this, I would have... but I was just too tired. Since I went to bed before 8:30PM, I woke up at 3:00AM with nothing to do. This is just an assortment of random things that are on my mind right now....
1) White eyeliner, purple lip liner and the like - No one should be wearing either of these unless they are modeling in a make-up show or doing a photo shoot. When you wear white eyeliner (especially if your complexion is dark) you look like a deer in headlights. Purple lip liner.... you look like you just got punched in the mouth... all day long. With either, you look outdated. This was a huge trend when I was in intermediate/middle school... but it's 2010... vacuums can clean your floor without you... throw your white and purple pencils in the trash. Don't even go green; some things need not be recycled.
2) Halters and tube tops at work. I get that the dress code is casual in some work environments. However when you are making your daily commute home, your attire should make me wonder what you do for a living... not what club you are going to/coming from. I could maybe even tolerate a halter top at work if this was your first job and you honestly didn't know it wasn't acceptable. But slut, you're 40. Put on a real damn shirt before you show up to the place that pays you.
3) Infomercials suck.
4) I have really high expectations of people. That usually hurts me more than it hurts them. Why? Because I unfortunately expect you not to make "seemingly obvious" screw ups. Is it fair? No. Do I screw up? Definitely. I've had a lot of important people in my life disappoint me. If I "flip out" on you, it's probably because you've done something I didn't expect and I don't know how to process it. My apologies. Will squeezing my boobs make you feel better?
5) I'm a great catch. I have my flaws... just like everyone else. I have things that I have resolved to work on just for me... but when you get right down to it:
7) "It’s 2010. If you’re still not giving head, then you ought to be celibate." Courtesy of 20 rules of sex according to me. You said it, pumpkin tits.
8) After introductory pole dancing class this past Saturday, I'm definitely signing up for more classes. I was going to pay a personal trainer to help me get where I wanna be. F that. These classes are a 1/4 of the price, I'll get the same results, step up my sexy AND have a new skill set :o Josephines... here I come!
9) I love my female DC friends. You guys make life better. Now let's go get some shots and grind on strangers!
10) Day parties... great f-ing idea. It's not the prey-fest that clubs/lounges/bars lend you to and you can meet some pretty cool people.
11) I have a considerable amount of gangster in me. Just a friendly reminder.
Forcing myself back to sleep. Night all!
1) White eyeliner, purple lip liner and the like - No one should be wearing either of these unless they are modeling in a make-up show or doing a photo shoot. When you wear white eyeliner (especially if your complexion is dark) you look like a deer in headlights. Purple lip liner.... you look like you just got punched in the mouth... all day long. With either, you look outdated. This was a huge trend when I was in intermediate/middle school... but it's 2010... vacuums can clean your floor without you... throw your white and purple pencils in the trash. Don't even go green; some things need not be recycled.
2) Halters and tube tops at work. I get that the dress code is casual in some work environments. However when you are making your daily commute home, your attire should make me wonder what you do for a living... not what club you are going to/coming from. I could maybe even tolerate a halter top at work if this was your first job and you honestly didn't know it wasn't acceptable. But slut, you're 40. Put on a real damn shirt before you show up to the place that pays you.
3) Infomercials suck.
4) I have really high expectations of people. That usually hurts me more than it hurts them. Why? Because I unfortunately expect you not to make "seemingly obvious" screw ups. Is it fair? No. Do I screw up? Definitely. I've had a lot of important people in my life disappoint me. If I "flip out" on you, it's probably because you've done something I didn't expect and I don't know how to process it. My apologies. Will squeezing my boobs make you feel better?
5) I'm a great catch. I have my flaws... just like everyone else. I have things that I have resolved to work on just for me... but when you get right down to it:
- I'm pleasing to the eye
- I cook, bake, clean, do laundry
- I "have an addicting personality" - friend said it, not me
- Intelligent
- Driven, have my shit together
- Super Supportive
- Fun, sarcastic, silly
- If you are the object of my affection, I'm gonna wanna have sex with you everyday. Yes, everyday. I can be "trained" to have less sex, but I'm programmed for daily delight.
- I'm a great girlfriend, there are a lot of traits that go into that... I'll blog about it later....
7) "It’s 2010. If you’re still not giving head, then you ought to be celibate." Courtesy of 20 rules of sex according to me. You said it, pumpkin tits.
8) After introductory pole dancing class this past Saturday, I'm definitely signing up for more classes. I was going to pay a personal trainer to help me get where I wanna be. F that. These classes are a 1/4 of the price, I'll get the same results, step up my sexy AND have a new skill set :o Josephines... here I come!
9) I love my female DC friends. You guys make life better. Now let's go get some shots and grind on strangers!
10) Day parties... great f-ing idea. It's not the prey-fest that clubs/lounges/bars lend you to and you can meet some pretty cool people.
11) I have a considerable amount of gangster in me. Just a friendly reminder.
Forcing myself back to sleep. Night all!
One time for the big girls....
This is not a blog that is intended to offend anyone, but it probably will. I don't have anything against larger people and I don't think being small is the way to go. In fact, being Texan.. I'm usually with the "bigger is better" mentality.
However, with all this said, I think people should be more considerate of others as well as spatial constraints in crowded areas. So this blog is for fat (this does not apply to the thick girls, shine on) girls in the club:
Fat girls have more sweat than skinny girls. It's fact because they simply have more surface area. And they aren't afraid to attack you with it.
They generally roam in packs of 3 or more and move like stampedes. Fast, fat and hungry.
Big burly manly bitches. The dress doesn't fool anyone. You are a man.
Fat girls shouldn't try to move like skinny girls (in the club). Physically impossible. Can't fuckin do it. So when you're laughing with your girls and you're wildin out, please be mindful of your limbs. That shit hurts when you hit me.
I recommend not wearing pleather, shiny spandex or full on animal prints. I just don't think it's in your best interest.
You can't do the "Middle School Dance, girls circle with your shoes in the center" thing at the club. Consider this, compare the size of a circle made of Cheerios to one made of Glazed Donuts... Now, marinate on that.
Big girls need love too. I get it. But skinny girls need space as well. As such, can you re-arrange yourself accordingly? That's all I ask. We can all dance and have a good time if you'd just be a little more mindful. If I'm tipsy and "Get Silly", "Let Me See Yo Booty", "Pop, Lock and Drop It" or "Ride" come on... I can get caught up in the rapture and forget my "club bubble" I should be dancing in. Fortunately, my friends help me keep that in check. Big girls, bring your friends to the club that will act as that person for you. And "no", not the ones that let you leave the house with all that Spandex. She is not your friend. I know a lot of guys... and I can't think of one that appreciates that. Common misconception... lots of booty mass does not equal quality booty.
These are just the observations/requests of a skinny bitch.
However, with all this said, I think people should be more considerate of others as well as spatial constraints in crowded areas. So this blog is for fat (this does not apply to the thick girls, shine on) girls in the club:
Fat girls have more sweat than skinny girls. It's fact because they simply have more surface area. And they aren't afraid to attack you with it.
They generally roam in packs of 3 or more and move like stampedes. Fast, fat and hungry.
Big burly manly bitches. The dress doesn't fool anyone. You are a man.
Fat girls shouldn't try to move like skinny girls (in the club). Physically impossible. Can't fuckin do it. So when you're laughing with your girls and you're wildin out, please be mindful of your limbs. That shit hurts when you hit me.
I recommend not wearing pleather, shiny spandex or full on animal prints. I just don't think it's in your best interest.
You can't do the "Middle School Dance, girls circle with your shoes in the center" thing at the club. Consider this, compare the size of a circle made of Cheerios to one made of Glazed Donuts... Now, marinate on that.
Big girls need love too. I get it. But skinny girls need space as well. As such, can you re-arrange yourself accordingly? That's all I ask. We can all dance and have a good time if you'd just be a little more mindful. If I'm tipsy and "Get Silly", "Let Me See Yo Booty", "Pop, Lock and Drop It" or "Ride" come on... I can get caught up in the rapture and forget my "club bubble" I should be dancing in. Fortunately, my friends help me keep that in check. Big girls, bring your friends to the club that will act as that person for you. And "no", not the ones that let you leave the house with all that Spandex. She is not your friend. I know a lot of guys... and I can't think of one that appreciates that. Common misconception... lots of booty mass does not equal quality booty.
These are just the observations/requests of a skinny bitch.
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