10 Signs....

Today, I received an email that claimed to be able to help me determine whether or not I'm dating the guy of my dreams, here's the article: 10 signs you are dating the guy of your dreams

Though I'm not dating... a girl can still dream, right?!

Aside from the fact that this writer has been married and divorced twice (which she takes the time to note) her 10 indicating factors are pretty f-in lame if you ask me! They all sound like they were written by a boy-crazy, semi-stalker.... and most of these things... you can feel about a friend... or a person you just like! 

Here are ten I can think of on my train ride home:

1) He understands that I believe in my heart I'm always right.  Or at least 90% right with no margin for error. And even though it is completely feasible that I can always be right, if the earth falls out of alignment and I mystically end up in that 10% window of wrong... He knows how to check me the correct way.  This means he'll hit me with a "Babe, think about it this way" versus a "Bitch, you're stupid".

2) I can be my actual self around him.  There are a lot of versions of me.  I've had boyfriends who had no idea how truly silly/random/sensitive/funny/brash/ass-holeish I can be.  A few didn't "allow" me to.  Like asking me to not curse, ever.  Yeahhhh, no.  I don't sing.  I can't sing.  But if my song comes on, best believe I'm gonna be a singing fool.  I do that around very few.  If you see all facets of me - high, low, weak, strong that's a sign that you can stick around.

3) You have to like to eat.  I'm a fatty.  Recently dubbed "Slim Fats" by one of my friends... It is very clear that I enjoy food.  If we can't go to Fogo De Chao and be in food heaven together, you aren't the one for me darling.

4) My man has to eat PORK bacon.  Period.  Not that fake turkey shit.  Real men eat real bacon.  I've been told that I shouldn't expect a man to be able to consume mass amounts of bacon and still be of any use to me when it comes to sex.  Well, I disagree.  Eat this bacon and then do me up reaaaal good!

5) He understands that my need to declare independence with men is fear driven.  And he can handle it.  I was let down by two of the most important men in my life; as such, letting you provide for me financially is a concept I can't wrap my mind around.  I've shown signs of progress throughout the years, but this will take some more time.

6) You give head. Period.  Can't marry or seriously date someone who doesn't.  Absolute deal breaker.  Nope. Won't. Fucking. Do. It.

7) You hold my hand and show me off. Nothing makes me feel quite like I do when you introduce me as your girlfriend with pride... Or show the world that I belong to you.  I had a serious boyfriend who never did this.  To me, its a clear reflection of how you feel towards me.  Saying it is cool... But having other people be able to detect it because of how we treat each other is great.

8) You get along with my mother. The older I get, the more I realize I did actually come from her vagina womb.  I am more like her than I ever imagined and I think some of my best qualities mirror her.  While my mom is accepting of everyone, her saying "I don't worry about you because I know ____ will take care of you" is a clear sign that I'm in good hands.

9) You are my person and I am yours.  I don't understand couples who don't consider each other their best friend.  That's like couples who don't have sex.  What's the point?!  I want to be able to talk to you about everything.  Share excitement with you and cry if I need to. 

10) I like non-traditional gender roles.  I understand this is a sensitive subject for the masses.  My dream guy won't "expect" dinner when he comes home.  We both work and mofo, I'm tired too.  However, a man who shows appreciation for me will be catered.  I will clean up after you, iron, cook, bring your food to you (even though I might not admit any of this in mixed company)... if I know that I'm truly appreciated.  A little appreciation and respect go a long way.