Metro Courtesy

With my new found employment, I've had the pleasure of riding the Metro again. This post is from my Blackberry and are simply my requests for this Friday, June 4th.

1) Don't smell

2) If there are a ton of seats available, don't come sit next to me with all of your shit. I don't want to be smooshed up against the window because you have a purse, backpack stroller and a fanny pack. Get your own damn seat.

3) Let the old people sit down. They are old, they've earned it. And DC kids, don't roll your eyes at the old people who ask to take your spot in "Priority Seating"...

4)" These doors are not like elevator doors"... People hear it daily but apparently don't want to believe it. They will shut on your laptop bag, arm, wheelchair or child. You do not have a right of passage to yell at the Metro Gods because you've gotten yourself in this predicament. If anything, the train operator should pull off with your dumbass half in the door. After doing that, I bet you won't do that shit again. More importantly, if it's rush hour, calm the fuck down. I promise another train is coming in 2 (two) minutes... Unless you live on the Red line.

5) If you choose to ignore the request of the use of your common damn sense in #4, please heed this advice: After you have sacrificed your body, mind and dignity wrestling with the "sliding metal bastards" don't expect everyone that you've inadvertently violated on the train to be pleasant. No, I will not move. I will not relinquish my position holding the vertical poles and switch to monkey bar poles for you. You are not worthy.

6) Speaking of self worth, if you have determined that your life (or that of another) is not worthwhile, please resolve this issue in an area that is *not* a metro station. I'm very sorry that the only option you seem to have is to jump in front of a moving train or to push someone into one, however... I (and many other commuters) would really appreciate it if you stopped doing this. Especially during rush hour. Especially on the Red line. If you just can't find another effective method, could you maybe consider doing it at Huntington?

7) I don't want to hear your go-go bullshit. Turn it down or get some earphones (if you are blasting it from your phones speaker).

8) Don't fall asleep on me. I'm not your 'Sleep Number'.

9) Don't sneeze on the back of my neck. That shit is rude.

*I will spell check and format later*