Here's a request, don't put your hands on me like we share a sexual relationship. It doesn't make me want to interact with you. At all. It's a violation of my personal space. Perhaps I should compare this to doing something that would make you feel uncomfortable in this setting. Like if you've got some extra weight around your belt, I'll grab your belly fat. Or if you're short, I'll tap you on the head as I walk by. After you've decided that you were going to do that anyway... I did the initial "pull away to keep you from touching me" but you made a second attempt. When I swat your hands off of me, don't you dare push me (or follow it up by calling ME a bitch). Oh, you decided to do that shit anyway? Sir, you don't know me. I know I'm little. I know I don't look like a threat. Maybe you don't think I'm going to turn around and go hood baby on you or say anything at all. I don't have to welcome your inappropriate touching. When I make it clear that I'm not the one, respect that and keep it moving. In the words of the great Katt Williams, "It's nothing man, it's nothing... This shit right here nigga, nigga right here this shit?!" this shit will get you fucked up. Good night.
My apologies for the more than normal # of curse words; I'm pissed.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Let's talk about this...
Toe Sucking. I have a major issue with this if you are not an infant. For those that do enjoy toes, I would imagine a baby's are the most enticing as they do not yet bear the wear and tear of life. Maybe my "mommy" genes haven't fully kicked in yet, but I don't want ANYONE'S feet in my mouth. I bring this up because a friend recently told me he had a woman suck his toes. He posed this scenario to Dana and I, looking for some sort of rationale. I have none. I can only deduce a few things about a girl who sucks man toes:
Death Penalty by Firing Squad. This article baffled me on my way to work this morning. A man in Utah elected to die at the hands of a firing squad. Here is an article about him.
Whether you agree with the death penalty or not, does a firing squad not seem a little odd to you? I know it sparked a lot of questions for me, such as:
Finally, the article in the Express mentioned a few States having the firing squad as a back up in the event that lethal injection or the chair are declared unconstitutional. I'm sorry, I thought the whole debate was whether or not humans should "play God" and determine if someone lives or dies. I'm not sure how a firing squad is more constitutionally sound than lethal injection, unless you're in Texas. Anything can get blasted in Texas.
Chivalry is "dead". This is why. A while back, when leaving Filene's Basement, I witnessed an interesting scenario. The store has 3 sets of double doors. A young, professionally dressed, "well-kept" black man was at the door on the far left. Just as my friend and I approached this door, we noticed that he opened it for a young, white woman entering the store. Seeing this, the woman walked to the complete opposite door and left the man only with the ability to shake his head. What's this about?! Maybe she's doing the Destiny's Child "Independent Women" thing and would do this if any man opened the door for her. That doesn't explain the vivid fearful expression on her face. Maybe its a race thing. Maybe she's from SE DC and a nicely dressed black man makes her want to clutch her purse.
Forget her. I like to be self sufficient and all that jazz, but I do appreciate when a man opens a door for me or offers his seat on the Metro. However, I do not feel entitled to these things; you aren't going to get a stank look from me if you don't lay your blazer (Velvet, if you are African ;)) over a puddle so I don't get my toes wet. Women need to make a decision. Look for Captain Save a Hoe or don't. I'm not saying you are not entitled to a gentleman. I'm just saying if your ringtone is "She got her own", open your own damn door without feeling some kind of way about it.
- She can't share drinks/food/lip gloss with me.
- She also enjoys pigs feet.
- The weird aftertaste you have from mixing freshly brushed teeth with milk doesn't bother her.
- She will allow you to put anything, anywhere.
Death Penalty by Firing Squad. This article baffled me on my way to work this morning. A man in Utah elected to die at the hands of a firing squad. Here is an article about him.
Whether you agree with the death penalty or not, does a firing squad not seem a little odd to you? I know it sparked a lot of questions for me, such as:
- What's the selection process for the firing squad? Do they get paid over time?
- Is it like lethal injection in that families and other witnesses can attend?
- After the deed has been done (you know, he's been shot by a gang of people), who cleans it up?
- Do they remove the bullets for official records?
Finally, the article in the Express mentioned a few States having the firing squad as a back up in the event that lethal injection or the chair are declared unconstitutional. I'm sorry, I thought the whole debate was whether or not humans should "play God" and determine if someone lives or dies. I'm not sure how a firing squad is more constitutionally sound than lethal injection, unless you're in Texas. Anything can get blasted in Texas.
Chivalry is "dead". This is why. A while back, when leaving Filene's Basement, I witnessed an interesting scenario. The store has 3 sets of double doors. A young, professionally dressed, "well-kept" black man was at the door on the far left. Just as my friend and I approached this door, we noticed that he opened it for a young, white woman entering the store. Seeing this, the woman walked to the complete opposite door and left the man only with the ability to shake his head. What's this about?! Maybe she's doing the Destiny's Child "Independent Women" thing and would do this if any man opened the door for her. That doesn't explain the vivid fearful expression on her face. Maybe its a race thing. Maybe she's from SE DC and a nicely dressed black man makes her want to clutch her purse.
Forget her. I like to be self sufficient and all that jazz, but I do appreciate when a man opens a door for me or offers his seat on the Metro. However, I do not feel entitled to these things; you aren't going to get a stank look from me if you don't lay your blazer (Velvet, if you are African ;)) over a puddle so I don't get my toes wet. Women need to make a decision. Look for Captain Save a Hoe or don't. I'm not saying you are not entitled to a gentleman. I'm just saying if your ringtone is "She got her own", open your own damn door without feeling some kind of way about it.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Things that make me say "Hmmmmm"
I like to think that I'm a relatively simple girl. Of course I'm complicated when it comes to my innermost emotions and such, but for the most part... I'm a simple girl. I'm also a "serial monogamist". Often, friends ask me how it is that I'm always able to find a good guy and they can't. I don't have a good answer to that, as what is good for me might be terrible for them... or even that the grass isn't always as green as it looks. Either way, though I'm not in a relationship now, I have been very lucky in love. I fully attribute it to what I look for / appreciate in a man that is to be my "boo". Here are a few of the things (both meaningful and shallow) that impress me:
Sidenote: This post will soon be followed by one that details things that do NOT impress me.
1) You listen. I mean REALLY listen. I'm an open person for the most part it's not difficult to learn general information about me. I'm a talker. I have Facebook. Anyone can figure out where I went to school, that I like to shop and that I love bacon. However, if you remember the little things like... ordering my double cheeseburger with no onions or pickles or surprising me with a CD you remember me mentioning, I appreciate it. There are things that I have major issues with, like my inability to deal with people letting me down. This inability leads me to be very resistant to letting people in. I can't let you in if you don't listen. If we have met several times and on each occasion you ask "what do you do?", you have better odds of jumping off of a cliff and surviving than you do of getting more of my time. I'm not asking that you remember my title, date of hire, supervisors name.... I'm just asking that you remember that we have had this damn conversation.
2) Attentiveness. In addition to listening, it needs to be clear to me that I'm a priority to you. I'm not saying you have to spend all your time with me, or be constantly under me while we're together. I just like to know that you're concerned with me, whether or not I'm good... and if I'm not, you're willing to do something about it.
3) We can be goofy together. I am easily tickled by things. I do random things and have random thoughts that people can't always relate to. I like having someone in my life who also has these random outbursts and feels comfortable sharing them with me... and also doesn't look at me crazy when I do it.
4) I love blazers, ties, vests and a nice pair of drivers (boat shoes). A man that will allow me to dress him is impeccably wise, and such a turn on. These particular articles of clothing make my heart beat just a little (a lot) bit faster. I'm gonna make you look good. Some girls think that this is foolish of me, as I'm making you more marketable to other women... but it gives me a certain sense of pride. Especially when someone compliments you and you give me the credit.
5) You have to love to cuddle. That's pretty much it.
6) You can fluctuate between being a "mover and shaker" to a "couch potato". I love going out, dancing, and I love having my boo there. I also love ordering pizza and watching movies on the couch all day. I want you there for both.
7) You can stimulate me intellectually/socially/emotionally. I can talk about pretty much anything; I love having a conversation with you that makes me want to do some research, make a conscious decision to do something different in my day to day life, or feel extra warm and fuzzy inside because you've tapped into my emotions.
8) I love to spoil my boo. Some men don't know how to handle it. I just want you to smile, say thank you and give me the business. Simple as that.
9) You know how to make me feel comfortable. I like confident men, but not aggressive ones. Knowing how to make me feel safe with you is a huge deal. Additionally, I don't handle stress the best... your ability to put me at ease will not go unnoticed or unappreciated.
Sidenote: This post will soon be followed by one that details things that do NOT impress me.
1) You listen. I mean REALLY listen. I'm an open person for the most part it's not difficult to learn general information about me. I'm a talker. I have Facebook. Anyone can figure out where I went to school, that I like to shop and that I love bacon. However, if you remember the little things like... ordering my double cheeseburger with no onions or pickles or surprising me with a CD you remember me mentioning, I appreciate it. There are things that I have major issues with, like my inability to deal with people letting me down. This inability leads me to be very resistant to letting people in. I can't let you in if you don't listen. If we have met several times and on each occasion you ask "what do you do?", you have better odds of jumping off of a cliff and surviving than you do of getting more of my time. I'm not asking that you remember my title, date of hire, supervisors name.... I'm just asking that you remember that we have had this damn conversation.
2) Attentiveness. In addition to listening, it needs to be clear to me that I'm a priority to you. I'm not saying you have to spend all your time with me, or be constantly under me while we're together. I just like to know that you're concerned with me, whether or not I'm good... and if I'm not, you're willing to do something about it.
3) We can be goofy together. I am easily tickled by things. I do random things and have random thoughts that people can't always relate to. I like having someone in my life who also has these random outbursts and feels comfortable sharing them with me... and also doesn't look at me crazy when I do it.
4) I love blazers, ties, vests and a nice pair of drivers (boat shoes). A man that will allow me to dress him is impeccably wise, and such a turn on. These particular articles of clothing make my heart beat just a little (a lot) bit faster. I'm gonna make you look good. Some girls think that this is foolish of me, as I'm making you more marketable to other women... but it gives me a certain sense of pride. Especially when someone compliments you and you give me the credit.
5) You have to love to cuddle. That's pretty much it.
6) You can fluctuate between being a "mover and shaker" to a "couch potato". I love going out, dancing, and I love having my boo there. I also love ordering pizza and watching movies on the couch all day. I want you there for both.
7) You can stimulate me intellectually/socially/emotionally. I can talk about pretty much anything; I love having a conversation with you that makes me want to do some research, make a conscious decision to do something different in my day to day life, or feel extra warm and fuzzy inside because you've tapped into my emotions.
8) I love to spoil my boo. Some men don't know how to handle it. I just want you to smile, say thank you and give me the business. Simple as that.
9) You know how to make me feel comfortable. I like confident men, but not aggressive ones. Knowing how to make me feel safe with you is a huge deal. Additionally, I don't handle stress the best... your ability to put me at ease will not go unnoticed or unappreciated.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Metro Courtesy
With my new found employment, I've had the pleasure of riding the Metro again. This post is from my Blackberry and are simply my requests for this Friday, June 4th.
1) Don't smell
2) If there are a ton of seats available, don't come sit next to me with all of your shit. I don't want to be smooshed up against the window because you have a purse, backpack stroller and a fanny pack. Get your own damn seat.
3) Let the old people sit down. They are old, they've earned it. And DC kids, don't roll your eyes at the old people who ask to take your spot in "Priority Seating"...
4)" These doors are not like elevator doors"... People hear it daily but apparently don't want to believe it. They will shut on your laptop bag, arm, wheelchair or child. You do not have a right of passage to yell at the Metro Gods because you've gotten yourself in this predicament. If anything, the train operator should pull off with your dumbass half in the door. After doing that, I bet you won't do that shit again. More importantly, if it's rush hour, calm the fuck down. I promise another train is coming in 2 (two) minutes... Unless you live on the Red line.
5) If you choose to ignore the request of the use of your common damn sense in #4, please heed this advice: After you have sacrificed your body, mind and dignity wrestling with the "sliding metal bastards" don't expect everyone that you've inadvertently violated on the train to be pleasant. No, I will not move. I will not relinquish my position holding the vertical poles and switch to monkey bar poles for you. You are not worthy.
6) Speaking of self worth, if you have determined that your life (or that of another) is not worthwhile, please resolve this issue in an area that is *not* a metro station. I'm very sorry that the only option you seem to have is to jump in front of a moving train or to push someone into one, however... I (and many other commuters) would really appreciate it if you stopped doing this. Especially during rush hour. Especially on the Red line. If you just can't find another effective method, could you maybe consider doing it at Huntington?
7) I don't want to hear your go-go bullshit. Turn it down or get some earphones (if you are blasting it from your phones speaker).
8) Don't fall asleep on me. I'm not your 'Sleep Number'.
9) Don't sneeze on the back of my neck. That shit is rude.
*I will spell check and format later*
1) Don't smell
2) If there are a ton of seats available, don't come sit next to me with all of your shit. I don't want to be smooshed up against the window because you have a purse, backpack stroller and a fanny pack. Get your own damn seat.
3) Let the old people sit down. They are old, they've earned it. And DC kids, don't roll your eyes at the old people who ask to take your spot in "Priority Seating"...
4)" These doors are not like elevator doors"... People hear it daily but apparently don't want to believe it. They will shut on your laptop bag, arm, wheelchair or child. You do not have a right of passage to yell at the Metro Gods because you've gotten yourself in this predicament. If anything, the train operator should pull off with your dumbass half in the door. After doing that, I bet you won't do that shit again. More importantly, if it's rush hour, calm the fuck down. I promise another train is coming in 2 (two) minutes... Unless you live on the Red line.
5) If you choose to ignore the request of the use of your common damn sense in #4, please heed this advice: After you have sacrificed your body, mind and dignity wrestling with the "sliding metal bastards" don't expect everyone that you've inadvertently violated on the train to be pleasant. No, I will not move. I will not relinquish my position holding the vertical poles and switch to monkey bar poles for you. You are not worthy.
6) Speaking of self worth, if you have determined that your life (or that of another) is not worthwhile, please resolve this issue in an area that is *not* a metro station. I'm very sorry that the only option you seem to have is to jump in front of a moving train or to push someone into one, however... I (and many other commuters) would really appreciate it if you stopped doing this. Especially during rush hour. Especially on the Red line. If you just can't find another effective method, could you maybe consider doing it at Huntington?
7) I don't want to hear your go-go bullshit. Turn it down or get some earphones (if you are blasting it from your phones speaker).
8) Don't fall asleep on me. I'm not your 'Sleep Number'.
9) Don't sneeze on the back of my neck. That shit is rude.
*I will spell check and format later*
Friday, May 14, 2010
Things I Hate
A while back, a friend sent me this video: Things I Hate
Here are a handful of things that I hate:
2) Spoilers. I've always hated spoilers on cars. I have this theory that monkeys could hang from them. You don't have to understand it, just an issue of mine.
3) Dumb inventions. Have you ever been up late one night and really watched infomercials? There is some stupid crap that you can own in just 3 easy payments of $19.99. What really irks me are stupid AND arguably insensitive inventions like this:
This is a Hurricane Simulator at my local mall. I grew up in Houston, Texas... relatively close to the Gulf of Mexico. As a child, I was never particularly excited to go experience the thrill that is a hurricane. I bet hurricane victims, like those who survived Hurricane Katrina, aren't lining up to hop in this machine and re-live the moment. The money used to manufacture, ship and set up this concoction could have been used to actually assist those who have negatively been impacted by a hurricane. Hmm, what an obvious ass thought!
4) DC kids. To be fair, most kids are loud, obnoxious and slightly ignorant... especially in large groups. However, the DC transit system allows them to be these things anywhere, anytime. While I'm unhappy with their technicolor sagging skinny jeans, I'm more annoyed with the following:
6) Fortunately, some DC youth came up with this list: Types of Bitches. I have an addition to the list, #91 - Cookie stealing bitches.
Here are a handful of things that I hate:
1) Crocs. These are by far, the number one thing that come to mind. Maybe it's because I have a small obsession with shoes; with a current total of 97 pair, I've never found the need to wear/own a pair of Crocs. I actually find them to be disrespectful. The rest of America woke up and put on some damn shoes. What did you do? You failed. I don't care HOW comfortable they are. The only time they are mildly acceptable are while participating in water sports... because they are practical. However, investing in a fancy pair of Crocs and wearing them (ever - in my opinion), but especially with work attire...completely unacceptable.
2) Spoilers. I've always hated spoilers on cars. I have this theory that monkeys could hang from them. You don't have to understand it, just an issue of mine.
3) Dumb inventions. Have you ever been up late one night and really watched infomercials? There is some stupid crap that you can own in just 3 easy payments of $19.99. What really irks me are stupid AND arguably insensitive inventions like this:
This is a Hurricane Simulator at my local mall. I grew up in Houston, Texas... relatively close to the Gulf of Mexico. As a child, I was never particularly excited to go experience the thrill that is a hurricane. I bet hurricane victims, like those who survived Hurricane Katrina, aren't lining up to hop in this machine and re-live the moment. The money used to manufacture, ship and set up this concoction could have been used to actually assist those who have negatively been impacted by a hurricane. Hmm, what an obvious ass thought!
4) DC kids. To be fair, most kids are loud, obnoxious and slightly ignorant... especially in large groups. However, the DC transit system allows them to be these things anywhere, anytime. While I'm unhappy with their technicolor sagging skinny jeans, I'm more annoyed with the following:
- Why are you constantly dancing? Go-go music is questionable to begin with, but hopping back and forth at Chinatown metro station, during rush hour, while everyone else is patiently waiting for the Red line is less than appealing. Stop it.
- Why do you all have old Sidekicks that you use purely to torture the masses with your personal play lists? I like to get things "All the way turnt up" just as much as the next gal, but not on the train. Not in front of timid white people. Since I'm dressed in business casual/professional attire, every white person on the Yellow line is looking to me for understanding. I don't know why you are not abiding by one of the very few rules of the metro, please use headphones for audio equipment. I don't know why you are wearing jeans that are both skinny and showing your butt. I don't know why your group split up and entered all three doors of the train car (when the train isn't crowded) and are now yelling at each other from one end of the car to the other. It also seems obvious to me that you stand closer to each other and talk. White people, I'm just as confused as you are. I'm not saying "don't be yourself, because white people are watching". I'm saying that being in a group doesn't give you the license to be ignorant. I'm saying that unfortunately we live in a society that still invests in stereotypes. And while you are "just doing you" you are only perpetuating the things people think they know. I personally, care a great deal that people think we are just loud, lazy and ignorant.. and that everyone who doesn't appear to be so is some exception to that rule.
6) Fortunately, some DC youth came up with this list: Types of Bitches. I have an addition to the list, #91 - Cookie stealing bitches.
Friday, April 16, 2010
You really thought that was a good idea?!
I set up this account months ago, and just wasn't sure what I ultimately wanted to blog about. I still haven't really figured out whether it will be a compilation of my day-to-day questions, observations, or concerns with the world around me.. or a journal of my life. Either way, I've been inspired as of late to just let out some things that have been bothering me. That other people apparently thought were good ideas....
Please pardon the frantic nature of this post. These are just observations as I saw them last night at The Park and made necessary notations in my BlackBerry.
1) Some of these antics are things I've never experienced until I moved to the east coast. First and foremost, no matter how lovely you think I am... that does not give the right to walk up to me, poke me in the belly button and say "So what's up?!". Nothing is up. Except for my new found urge to vomit. First, you feel the need to stand so uncomfortably close to me and second, you just poked me really hard in the belly button. And even with my lucid annoyance, I was nice enough to say "No thanks, I'm not interested". To which you decided to be offended, cock your head back, roll your eyes, and give me "the hand"! WTF, who told you that was a good idea in the first damn place?
2) The "belly button bandit" apparently brought his cousin, the "Staremaster". Again, I'm flattered that you think my friend and I are attractive. But who told you it was a good idea to stand squarely in front of us (your head stopping at boob level), give us the "once over" 4-5 times and then walk away. For the 12-20 seconds that you just did that, what was I supposed to do in turn? Do a spin? A model walk? Pose for a picture? We laughed it off the first two times you did it, but after the fifth?! Security!
3) Hey mister DJ. Quick question for you. I know you're trying to be innovative with the snidbits you yell over the music. "25 and up, put yo hands up!", "Ladies with real hair, where you at?!", "If you have direct deposit, throw yo hands up!"... wait! what?! Isn't direct deposit kind of the standard? Like Visa, or Kleenex? If we were in rural Wyoming... maybe it would be a legit question. But in Washington, DC? The mecca of young professionals? Do your market research, mister DJ.
4) Men with the laptop bags and backpacks. I appreciate that you're a hardworking citizen. I'm just curious as to why you had to bring your laptop bag with you to the club. I'm guessing you came straight from work, going home first was inconvenient, and you have work to get done. However, judging by the 3 drinks I've seen you inhale in the last 20 minutes... you won't be getting much (if any) of that work done tonight. I've come up with other possible reasons, and immediately was able to discount all of them. Can someone just clear this up for me?
5) Equally as mystifying as the men with the laptop bags are girls carrying big ass purses. It's equivalent to carrying a child on your hip. At a barbecue, this is completely acceptable. At a club, not so much. Stepping in the name of love with a child on your hip at the picnic is fun, stepping in the name of love with your big ass purse knocking out your potential suitors... bad business plan. One, you keep hitting me and others... and that's rude. Two, have you ever heard of a clutch!? They come in a variety of styles and colors. They can also accommodate a surprising amount of items: keys, phone, camera, lip gloss, tampons, cigarettes (gross), travel size lotion, deodorant, toothbrushes, spare panties, etc. What I'm getting at is... there is no reason for you to bring that BIG ASS PURSE. More importantly, if you are with a group of girls... who all have big ass purses, ya'll need to consolidate that shit. It's hot, there are minimal amounts of space and you and your bags are in the way.
6) You spot me from across the club, you parlay your way to my area...then awkwardly stand next to me and give me the side eye. You make me feel weird inside. Instead of just coming over and saying "hi", you've managed to make yourself look like a creep. And now I'm going to go dance somewhere else.
7) Men, your shoes... say a lot about you. Pastel rainbow-striped boat shoes. First and foremost, when you try to talk to me...I can't take you seriously. Second, where did you even get those? No, seriously...where? Because after I saw you wearing them, I Googled for 30 minutes and couldn't find anything comparable. Lastly, only flamboyantly gay men should be allowed to access that market share. If you're wearing it all willy nilly, you are stealing from their glittery gay shine. Not only is it a bad idea, but it's rude.
8) Finally, the sunglasses in the club. Merriam Webster defines sunglasses as "glasses to protect the eyes from the sun". Simple, right? Evidently the hell not! Because toooo many people are wearing sunglasses where there is no sun. Like in dark clubs. I think you're hazardous because it's like driving on a dimly lit road with no headlights on. You should be pulled over and ticketed. And your justifications? Pure nonsense. "They are for the hataz!" Or "It's to protect you from my shine". Bullshit. You suck and you look stupid.
... and you really thought that was a good idea?! Negative.
Please pardon the frantic nature of this post. These are just observations as I saw them last night at The Park and made necessary notations in my BlackBerry.
1) Some of these antics are things I've never experienced until I moved to the east coast. First and foremost, no matter how lovely you think I am... that does not give the right to walk up to me, poke me in the belly button and say "So what's up?!". Nothing is up. Except for my new found urge to vomit. First, you feel the need to stand so uncomfortably close to me and second, you just poked me really hard in the belly button. And even with my lucid annoyance, I was nice enough to say "No thanks, I'm not interested". To which you decided to be offended, cock your head back, roll your eyes, and give me "the hand"! WTF, who told you that was a good idea in the first damn place?
2) The "belly button bandit" apparently brought his cousin, the "Staremaster". Again, I'm flattered that you think my friend and I are attractive. But who told you it was a good idea to stand squarely in front of us (your head stopping at boob level), give us the "once over" 4-5 times and then walk away. For the 12-20 seconds that you just did that, what was I supposed to do in turn? Do a spin? A model walk? Pose for a picture? We laughed it off the first two times you did it, but after the fifth?! Security!
3) Hey mister DJ. Quick question for you. I know you're trying to be innovative with the snidbits you yell over the music. "25 and up, put yo hands up!", "Ladies with real hair, where you at?!", "If you have direct deposit, throw yo hands up!"... wait! what?! Isn't direct deposit kind of the standard? Like Visa, or Kleenex? If we were in rural Wyoming... maybe it would be a legit question. But in Washington, DC? The mecca of young professionals? Do your market research, mister DJ.
4) Men with the laptop bags and backpacks. I appreciate that you're a hardworking citizen. I'm just curious as to why you had to bring your laptop bag with you to the club. I'm guessing you came straight from work, going home first was inconvenient, and you have work to get done. However, judging by the 3 drinks I've seen you inhale in the last 20 minutes... you won't be getting much (if any) of that work done tonight. I've come up with other possible reasons, and immediately was able to discount all of them. Can someone just clear this up for me?
5) Equally as mystifying as the men with the laptop bags are girls carrying big ass purses. It's equivalent to carrying a child on your hip. At a barbecue, this is completely acceptable. At a club, not so much. Stepping in the name of love with a child on your hip at the picnic is fun, stepping in the name of love with your big ass purse knocking out your potential suitors... bad business plan. One, you keep hitting me and others... and that's rude. Two, have you ever heard of a clutch!? They come in a variety of styles and colors. They can also accommodate a surprising amount of items: keys, phone, camera, lip gloss, tampons, cigarettes (gross), travel size lotion, deodorant, toothbrushes, spare panties, etc. What I'm getting at is... there is no reason for you to bring that BIG ASS PURSE. More importantly, if you are with a group of girls... who all have big ass purses, ya'll need to consolidate that shit. It's hot, there are minimal amounts of space and you and your bags are in the way.
6) You spot me from across the club, you parlay your way to my area...then awkwardly stand next to me and give me the side eye. You make me feel weird inside. Instead of just coming over and saying "hi", you've managed to make yourself look like a creep. And now I'm going to go dance somewhere else.
7) Men, your shoes... say a lot about you. Pastel rainbow-striped boat shoes.
8) Finally, the sunglasses in the club. Merriam Webster defines sunglasses as "glasses to protect the eyes from the sun". Simple, right? Evidently the hell not! Because toooo many people are wearing sunglasses where there is no sun. Like in dark clubs. I think you're hazardous because it's like driving on a dimly lit road with no headlights on. You should be pulled over and ticketed. And your justifications? Pure nonsense. "They are for the hataz!" Or "It's to protect you from my shine". Bullshit. You suck and you look stupid.
... and you really thought that was a good idea?! Negative.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)