Things I Hate

A while back, a friend sent me this video: Things I Hate

Here are a handful of things that I hate:

1) Crocs.  These are by far, the number one thing that come to mind.  Maybe it's because I have a small obsession with shoes; with a current total of 97 pair, I've never found the need to wear/own a pair of Crocs.  I actually find them to be disrespectful.  The rest of America woke up and put on some damn shoes.  What did you do? You failed.  I don't care HOW comfortable they are.  The only time they are mildly acceptable are while participating in water sports... because they are practical.   However, investing in a fancy pair of Crocs and wearing them (ever - in my opinion), but especially with work attire...completely unacceptable.  

2) Spoilers.  I've always hated spoilers on cars.  I have this theory that monkeys could hang from them.  You don't have to understand it, just an issue of mine.

3) Dumb inventions.  Have you ever been up late one night and really watched infomercials?  There is some stupid crap that you can own in just 3 easy payments of $19.99.  What really irks me are stupid AND arguably insensitive inventions like this:

This is a Hurricane Simulator at my local mall.  I grew up in Houston, Texas... relatively close to the Gulf of Mexico.  As a child, I was never particularly excited to go experience the thrill that is a hurricane.  I bet hurricane victims, like those who survived Hurricane Katrina, aren't lining up to hop in this machine and re-live the moment.  The money used to manufacture, ship and set up this concoction could have been used to actually assist those who have negatively been impacted by a hurricane.  Hmm, what an obvious ass thought!

4) DC kids. To be fair, most kids are loud, obnoxious and slightly ignorant... especially in large groups.  However, the DC transit system allows them to be these things anywhere, anytime.  While I'm unhappy with their technicolor sagging skinny jeans, I'm more annoyed with the following:

• Why are you constantly dancing? Go-go music is questionable to begin with, but hopping back and forth at Chinatown metro station, during rush hour, while everyone else is patiently waiting for the Red line is less than appealing.  Stop it.

• Why do you all have old Sidekicks that you use purely to torture the masses with your personal play lists?  I like to get things "All the way turnt up" just as much as the next gal, but not on the train.  Not in front of timid white people.  Since I'm dressed in business casual/professional attire, every white person on the Yellow line is looking to me for understanding.  I don't know why you are not abiding by one of the very few rules of the metro, please use headphones for audio equipment.  I don't know why you are wearing jeans that are both skinny and showing your butt.  I don't know why your group split up and entered all three doors of the train car (when the train isn't crowded) and are now yelling at each other from one end of the car to the other.  It also seems obvious to me that you stand closer to each other and talk.  White people, I'm just as confused as you are.  I'm not saying "don't be yourself, because white people are watching".  I'm saying that being in a group doesn't give you the license to be ignorant.  I'm saying that unfortunately we live in a society that still invests in stereotypes.  And while you are "just doing you" you are only perpetuating the things people think they know.  I personally, care a great deal that people think we are just loud, lazy and ignorant.. and that everyone who doesn't appear to be so is some exception to that rule. 

5) Lingering men.  I'm already pretty freaking shy when it comes to men hitting on me in a club/lounge atmosphere. If you approach me while I'm at the bar, and ask me if I want something to drink.. I'm going to say no.  Not because I don't like to drink, or because I wouldn't be really happy with a Long Island Iced Tea or Ciroc & Lemonade; I just already know I don't want to deal with you for the remainder of the night.  Aside from my personal assessment of my monetary worth, my last employer determined my hourly rate.  This rate well exceeds the price of one drink, as such... you are not allowed to linger around me for an hour after the purchase.  I can do the small talk, in fact... I might even be interested in what you have to say.  We can even dance for a song or two.  However, once I thank you again and tell you it was nice to meet you... you are not allowed to follow me.  When Dana and I are in our zone because "Blow the Whistle" comes on and she's doing her Cali thing and I'm patiently awaiting the Bun B, Texas reference... you need to step back.  When "Pop, lock and drop it" comes on... I'm going to get intriguingly low.  This is not your queue to try to jump behind me and get in on the action.  So instead, I politely decline and deal with your bruised ego and attitude.  This way, we avoid the whole situation of you feeling like I'm just a freeloading, rude bitch... I'll just buy my own drinks.

6) Fortunately, some DC youth came up with this list: Types of Bitches.  I have an addition to the list, #91 - Cookie stealing bitches.

You really thought that was a good idea?!

I set up this account months ago, and just wasn't sure what I ultimately wanted to blog about. I still haven't really figured out whether it will be a compilation of my day-to-day questions, observations, or concerns with the world around me.. or a journal of my life. Either way, I've been inspired as of late to just let out some things that have been bothering me. That other people apparently thought were good ideas....


Please pardon the frantic nature of this post. These are just observations as I saw them last night at The Park and made necessary notations in my BlackBerry.


1) Some of these antics are things I've never experienced until I moved to the east coast. First and foremost, no matter how lovely you think I am... that does not give the right to walk up to me, poke me in the belly button and say "So what's up?!". Nothing is up. Except for my new found urge to vomit. First, you feel the need to stand so uncomfortably close to me and second, you just poked me really hard in the belly button. And even with my lucid annoyance, I was nice enough to say "No thanks, I'm not interested". To which you decided to be offended, cock your head back, roll your eyes, and give me "the hand"! WTF, who told you that was a good idea in the first damn place?


2) The "belly button bandit" apparently brought his cousin, the "Staremaster". Again, I'm flattered that you think my friend and I are attractive. But who told you it was a good idea to stand squarely in front of us (your head stopping at boob level), give us the "once over" 4-5 times and then walk away. For the 12-20 seconds that you just did that, what was I supposed to do in turn? Do a spin? A model walk? Pose for a picture? We laughed it off the first two times you did it, but after the fifth?! Security!


3) Hey mister DJ. Quick question for you. I know you're trying to be innovative with the snidbits you yell over the music. "25 and up, put yo hands up!", "Ladies with real hair, where you at?!", "If you have direct deposit, throw yo hands up!"... wait! what?! Isn't direct deposit kind of the standard? Like Visa, or Kleenex? If we were in rural Wyoming... maybe it would be a legit question. But in Washington, DC? The mecca of young professionals? Do your market research, mister DJ.


4) Men with the laptop bags and backpacks. I appreciate that you're a hardworking citizen. I'm just curious as to why you had to bring your laptop bag with you to the club. I'm guessing you came straight from work, going home first was inconvenient, and you have work to get done. However, judging by the 3 drinks I've seen you inhale in the last 20 minutes... you won't be getting much (if any) of that work done tonight. I've come up with other possible reasons, and immediately was able to discount all of them. Can someone just clear this up for me?


5) Equally as mystifying as the men with the laptop bags are girls carrying big ass purses. It's equivalent to carrying a child on your hip. At a barbecue, this is completely acceptable. At a club, not so much. Stepping in the name of love with a child on your hip at the picnic is fun, stepping in the name of love with your big ass purse knocking out your potential suitors... bad business plan. One, you keep hitting me and others... and that's rude. Two, have you ever heard of a clutch!? They come in a variety of styles and colors. They can also accommodate a surprising amount of items: keys, phone, camera, lip gloss, tampons, cigarettes (gross), travel size lotion, deodorant, toothbrushes, spare panties, etc. What I'm getting at is... there is no reason for you to bring that BIG ASS PURSE. More importantly, if you are with a group of girls... who all have big ass purses, ya'll need to consolidate that shit. It's hot, there are minimal amounts of space and you and your bags are in the way.


6) You spot me from across the club, you parlay your way to my area...then awkwardly stand next to me and give me the side eye. You make me feel weird inside. Instead of just coming over and saying "hi", you've managed to make yourself look like a creep. And now I'm going to go dance somewhere else.


7) Men, your shoes... say a lot about you. Pastel rainbow-striped boat shoes. First and foremost, when you try to talk to me...I can't take you seriously. Second, where did you even get those? No, seriously...where? Because after I saw you wearing them, I Googled for 30 minutes and couldn't find anything comparable. Lastly, only flamboyantly gay men should be allowed to access that market share. If you're wearing it all willy nilly, you are stealing from their glittery gay shine. Not only is it a bad idea, but it's rude.


8) Finally, the sunglasses in the club. Merriam Webster defines sunglasses as "glasses to protect the eyes from the sun". Simple, right? Evidently the hell not! Because toooo many people are wearing sunglasses where there is no sun. Like in dark clubs. I think you're hazardous because it's like driving on a dimly lit road with no headlights on. You should be pulled over and ticketed. And your justifications? Pure nonsense. "They are for the hataz!" Or "It's to protect you from my shine". Bullshit. You suck and you look stupid.




... and you really thought that was a good idea?! Negative.