1) When I was little, my dream was to be Miss America. I had a portfolio and a few gigs, but quit modeling because my older cousin did. To this day, I somehow still think it’s my mom’s fault that I’m not Miss America.
2) I’m a shopaholic. Once, to prove that I wasn’t… I went on a hiatus. I didn’t buy anything (other than food) for 3 whole weeks. It was a terrible, terrible experience and it hurts thinking about it.
3) When I was in 8th grade, I missed cheerleading try-outs because I was the assistant director for the drama clubs one act play “The Bad Seed”. I was really sad about it, but they ended up holding a second round of tryouts later that year.
4) Contrary to popular belief, I’m not an only child. I’ve been told I give off that “only child vibe”… whatever that means. I have an older half brother (Duwane) and a little sister (Falon) who’s 18. Recently, my dad told me his son (that he didn’t know he had) found him… I don’t claim him. I was over 21 after I found out about him… I’m good on siblings. Maybe that’s what ppl mean about the “only child vibe”…
5) When I was younger, my mom thought I was going to be an Engineer because I couldn’t stay away from Legos. Truth is, I hate math & science and like being around people too much to be an engineer.
6) I might have been a spoiled kid. My favorite Christmas present was my Barbie convertible. I insisted that my dad mow the yard in “lanes” so I would have “streets & highways” to drive on.
7) My mom calls me a sugar baby. I love anything sweet. Chocolate, cake, icecream, cookies, powered donuts…
8) Mom also calls me a junk food baby. There was a time in my life where I ate fast food at least twice a day, everyday. The absolute worst thing about the DMV is the lack of Jack in the Box, Whataburger, Taco Cabana, Sonic and easily accessible Chick-Fil-A’s.
9) When I was a kid, I always wanted to know how big I was in comparison to the “M” in Macys on the top of their building at the mall.
10) I’m pretty random. You may find me randomly highlighted on ppl’s facebook quote sections for saying things like "Why be a regular hoe? Video hoes get paid!"
11) I don’t like spoilers on cars. I have this theory about monkey’s being able to hang from them.
12) So far, my greatest accomplishment was buying a home when I was 22. My grandma was all about being an independent woman and she would have been thrilled.
13) I’m an all or nothing type of person. Stay on my good side… because the bad side gets ugly.
14) I’m honest. I’ve lost friends because they’ve asked for the truth… and I gave it to them… but they didn’t like what I had to say. I might apologize for hurting your feelings, but I don’t apologize for feeling the way I do.
15) I like to go out, mostly because I like to dance. I dance in the morning getting ready for work, when I’m cleaning the house or really when there is music being played. Also, I usually exhibit an uncanny amount of crunkness while dancing.
16) I consider myself to be a great friend. Disclaimer: I’m really terrible at calling people, or finishing emails that I’ve started to you… but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or think about you. Text me, and I’ll respond right away. If you need advice, a budget, a cuddle buddy or some retail therapy… I’m your girl.
17) I’m hungry, now… always.
18) I have a LOT of energy. Even more when I’m tired. Tell me to sit down somewhere and I’ll get it together.
19) I like to be right. I actually have this theory that I’m usually always right. Don’t bother disagreeing with me… well… because… I’m right.
20) I can prove to be an embarrassment to you if we’re in public. Sometimes I can’t control how loudly I say things. Fortunately for you, I don’t say them and hide. I’m not afraid of confrontation.
21) I love birthdays, mine especially.
22) My favorite foods are Mexican, Italian and Soul food. Probably because they are the most saturated in fats… just the way I like it.
23) I can’t sing, but I love doing it anyway.
24) I’m a picture whore. I like to have the latest and greatest camera available. On the flip side… I’m pretty bad at posting pics on FB.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
M.O.B
I'm a girly girl. I would never consider myself to be one of the guys, I don't drink beer, I can't sit through and entire game (on TV). The exception is football. Love football, plus the nice butts and physical aggressiveness involved doesn't hurt. Generally, I'm more comfortable in a circle of guys, talking about sex and whether the girl who just walked by has an ass which outweighs the confusing situation going on with her face.
I can also be an emotional, confusing girl... Just like we all are. However, I'd like to think that I'm logical, (on avg) 90% of the time. I have found that the majority of women are...not. I don't think some of them even know what it means to be logical (men involved or not).
Conclusively, I've found that bitches just aren't my thing. I have maintained very few close friendships with girls and you know what? The failures? Well, I'm gonna go ahead and blame them, for two reasons. I always think I'm right and this is my blog...I do what I feel! Here are a couple of things women do that drive me to befriend testicles over tits:
1) If you're pretty and you know it, clap your hands. *clap, clap* I cannot stand women who look to their girlfriends to constantly compliment them. That's what your man, faux boo, sideline groupies, parents and grandparents are for. If my friend looks hot, of course I'm gonna give her an "Ooooohhhh! You look hot/pretty/etc". But the "I feel so ugly today, do I look ugly?!" comment she makes to get me to say "Of course not, you're beautiful always!"...is only gonna piss me off. In fact, it's caused me to give undesired responses like "maybe you should wear more make-up" or "maybe you should call in sick, because you look it".
2) If a man is trying to date you it's clear. He's around all time time. He calls/texts/chats with you regularly during the week. He pays for things when he says he's going to take you somewhere. I don't want to talk to you about the seemingly obvious. "Why haven't I heard from in a week?!" I couldn't tell you, because unless he's the last man on earth without a cell phone, a Google account or out of the country... He's probably not that into you. No matter HOW busy a man is, he will always make time if he's interested. This stands for anyone in your life. I don't want to dissect every text/convo you ever had to figure out where the hell he went. Ask him, because I don't know.
3) I don't understand spending $500 on one purse. I've never understood it, I never will. Supposedly it's a status thing. The way I look at it is - "this broke hoe saved up for this one pricey ass purse. She just has this one. It's the only one you'll ever see because she really can't afford to have multiple". I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I'd rather blow $500 in H&M.
4) I don't like talking about my feelings. Feelings make you weak, vulnerable and susceptible to emotions you probably don't have a good handle on. Girls like to talk about their feelings ALL THE TIME. Some of the biggest fights I've had with the people I'm closest to were because I held all my feelings inside and then just emotionally leaked and they had no clue what the hell happened. Now, I understand that approach is flawed... I'm working on it. However, one of the reason's my main bitch is the main bitch is because we don't have to talk about our feelings all the damn time. Example:
Dana: I want some Jack Daniels and I need to grind on strangers.
Jerica: Noted. Whatcha wearing?!
Dana: Jerica, why are you always plaguing me with details?!
Jerica: Because, clothes are important.
See? We had an entire convo without having to talk about it all. Jack Daniels? She probably had an exceptionally obnoxious day at work and wants to kill everyone there more so than usual. Grinding on strangers means that either A) We haven't done it in a while or B) Her main squeeze is working her nerves and grinding on a perfect stranger and then leaving him standing there when she's done, numberless, nameless and uncomfortably satisfied would suit her well that evening.
5) A lot of women have this "I don't need a man but I want him to fill up my tank" mentality that irks the shit out of me. The idea of being a trophy wife or having some random dude funding my trips makes my skin crawl. I'm not offended if I'm dating a guy and he falls back on going out so much because money is funny. In fact, I appreciate your financial responsibility. That doesn't make you cheap, or sorry, it just means all this Maggiano's is adding up! I can't sit here and listen to you bash this man because he doesn't want to buy you last minute tickets to see Drake. Stop being a gold diggin' hoe!
I can also be an emotional, confusing girl... Just like we all are. However, I'd like to think that I'm logical, (on avg) 90% of the time. I have found that the majority of women are...not. I don't think some of them even know what it means to be logical (men involved or not).
Conclusively, I've found that bitches just aren't my thing. I have maintained very few close friendships with girls and you know what? The failures? Well, I'm gonna go ahead and blame them, for two reasons. I always think I'm right and this is my blog...I do what I feel! Here are a couple of things women do that drive me to befriend testicles over tits:
1) If you're pretty and you know it, clap your hands. *clap, clap* I cannot stand women who look to their girlfriends to constantly compliment them. That's what your man, faux boo, sideline groupies, parents and grandparents are for. If my friend looks hot, of course I'm gonna give her an "Ooooohhhh! You look hot/pretty/etc". But the "I feel so ugly today, do I look ugly?!" comment she makes to get me to say "Of course not, you're beautiful always!"...is only gonna piss me off. In fact, it's caused me to give undesired responses like "maybe you should wear more make-up" or "maybe you should call in sick, because you look it".
2) If a man is trying to date you it's clear. He's around all time time. He calls/texts/chats with you regularly during the week. He pays for things when he says he's going to take you somewhere. I don't want to talk to you about the seemingly obvious. "Why haven't I heard from in a week?!" I couldn't tell you, because unless he's the last man on earth without a cell phone, a Google account or out of the country... He's probably not that into you. No matter HOW busy a man is, he will always make time if he's interested. This stands for anyone in your life. I don't want to dissect every text/convo you ever had to figure out where the hell he went. Ask him, because I don't know.
3) I don't understand spending $500 on one purse. I've never understood it, I never will. Supposedly it's a status thing. The way I look at it is - "this broke hoe saved up for this one pricey ass purse. She just has this one. It's the only one you'll ever see because she really can't afford to have multiple". I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I'd rather blow $500 in H&M.
4) I don't like talking about my feelings. Feelings make you weak, vulnerable and susceptible to emotions you probably don't have a good handle on. Girls like to talk about their feelings ALL THE TIME. Some of the biggest fights I've had with the people I'm closest to were because I held all my feelings inside and then just emotionally leaked and they had no clue what the hell happened. Now, I understand that approach is flawed... I'm working on it. However, one of the reason's my main bitch is the main bitch is because we don't have to talk about our feelings all the damn time. Example:
Dana: I want some Jack Daniels and I need to grind on strangers.
Jerica: Noted. Whatcha wearing?!
Dana: Jerica, why are you always plaguing me with details?!
Jerica: Because, clothes are important.
See? We had an entire convo without having to talk about it all. Jack Daniels? She probably had an exceptionally obnoxious day at work and wants to kill everyone there more so than usual. Grinding on strangers means that either A) We haven't done it in a while or B) Her main squeeze is working her nerves and grinding on a perfect stranger and then leaving him standing there when she's done, numberless, nameless and uncomfortably satisfied would suit her well that evening.
5) A lot of women have this "I don't need a man but I want him to fill up my tank" mentality that irks the shit out of me. The idea of being a trophy wife or having some random dude funding my trips makes my skin crawl. I'm not offended if I'm dating a guy and he falls back on going out so much because money is funny. In fact, I appreciate your financial responsibility. That doesn't make you cheap, or sorry, it just means all this Maggiano's is adding up! I can't sit here and listen to you bash this man because he doesn't want to buy you last minute tickets to see Drake. Stop being a gold diggin' hoe!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Truth
A few weekends ago, I found myself in an informal setting when I got hit with a 1-2-punch. "I date white women because black women don't like black, educated men". Pause. Ummmmm, what?!
I've never participated in this conversation as often as I do living in the Washington, DC area. In fact, at my school, I would argue we had the opposite problem. Black men that wouldn't get a second look in DC were swooned over, simply because our selection was so small. There is one guy that comes to mind who is a certified booger wolf, but apparently, always had females. Aside from the fact that he was a booger wolf, he was also whack, so I never understood it... but hey.. do you.
Having a blog, here is my opportunity to put my take on the whole situation in the record books.
"Black, educated women think we [black men] owe them something"
The majority of my close friends are black, educated women who love a black, educated men. The problem we face is that a lot of these men feel we owe THEM something because they aren't in jail, selling things illegally or being a sorry baby's daddy. Since they did [gasp] what they are supposed to do, we should all marvel in their wonder. Negative. I did what I was supposed to do as well. I didn't turn prostitute, have a bunch of kids or develop a drug problem. However, that means I think I'm "too good". I have been fortunate to only date guys that aren't threatened by the fact that I don't need them to survive. If a strong, black woman threatens you... perhaps you are better off expanding your horizons.
"We only have two options, hood rats or educated girls"
I'm certain this statement is wildly inaccurate. You simply can't place black women in to those two small categories. I understand what he was implying. Some educated men have an issue of not being "hood" enough for women they approach. If a few girls feel you don't possess an adequate level of gangster... don't keep up on the whole bunch. I don't see the necessity in running around shooting people... some people are turned on by that... however, I'm certain you can find a girl who will accept the fact that your most gangster moments are while cutting someone off in traffic or listing to a Young Jeezy CD.
"Blah blah blah"
He wanted to continue the conversation... but me and my friend were trying to drink and have fun... not get all serious! Here are my final thoughts... men, women, drop your sense of entitlement. If you made your life choices to impress other people... you should probably reconsider your entire... life. Hopefully, you've filled your resume with things you wanted to do. At the end of the day, it's about how the person in question treats you. Don't swear off a whole type of people because girls you've encountered (who happen to be black and educated) didn't follow this theory. No, you didn't owe her anything. Find another, keep it moving... but stop using something you are equally guilty of as an excuse. Please and thank you.
I've never participated in this conversation as often as I do living in the Washington, DC area. In fact, at my school, I would argue we had the opposite problem. Black men that wouldn't get a second look in DC were swooned over, simply because our selection was so small. There is one guy that comes to mind who is a certified booger wolf, but apparently, always had females. Aside from the fact that he was a booger wolf, he was also whack, so I never understood it... but hey.. do you.
Having a blog, here is my opportunity to put my take on the whole situation in the record books.
"Black, educated women think we [black men] owe them something"
The majority of my close friends are black, educated women who love a black, educated men. The problem we face is that a lot of these men feel we owe THEM something because they aren't in jail, selling things illegally or being a sorry baby's daddy. Since they did [gasp] what they are supposed to do, we should all marvel in their wonder. Negative. I did what I was supposed to do as well. I didn't turn prostitute, have a bunch of kids or develop a drug problem. However, that means I think I'm "too good". I have been fortunate to only date guys that aren't threatened by the fact that I don't need them to survive. If a strong, black woman threatens you... perhaps you are better off expanding your horizons.
"We only have two options, hood rats or educated girls"
I'm certain this statement is wildly inaccurate. You simply can't place black women in to those two small categories. I understand what he was implying. Some educated men have an issue of not being "hood" enough for women they approach. If a few girls feel you don't possess an adequate level of gangster... don't keep up on the whole bunch. I don't see the necessity in running around shooting people... some people are turned on by that... however, I'm certain you can find a girl who will accept the fact that your most gangster moments are while cutting someone off in traffic or listing to a Young Jeezy CD.
"Blah blah blah"
He wanted to continue the conversation... but me and my friend were trying to drink and have fun... not get all serious! Here are my final thoughts... men, women, drop your sense of entitlement. If you made your life choices to impress other people... you should probably reconsider your entire... life. Hopefully, you've filled your resume with things you wanted to do. At the end of the day, it's about how the person in question treats you. Don't swear off a whole type of people because girls you've encountered (who happen to be black and educated) didn't follow this theory. No, you didn't owe her anything. Find another, keep it moving... but stop using something you are equally guilty of as an excuse. Please and thank you.
To Date or Not To Date
I've been judged for being a serial monogamist. "Date", "have fun", "you're young, you don't need to be in serious relationships"... I've been told. Truth is, I like [love] being someone's somebody. I guess being single and having fun seems appealing to a lot of people, but I'd much rather have my love by my side every night. Maybe I believe in fairy tales...
Conclusively, that's some ole bulllllllshit!
I'm starting to have a better understanding of the other end of the spectrum. Men are stupid. All of them. For one reason or another. They do stupid things. (Women are also stupid). However, when you're not in a relationship...it doesn't make sense to deal with one person's stupid antics. Too many other people will hang out with you and get you ice cream. Either way, the formal dating process still doesn't appeal to me and here's why:
It forces people to be socially awkward - I don't want to go out with who you think I think you are. I don't want you to hit me with your professional and private resume of great qualities. At the end of the day, we all know you suck in one way or another... just like I do. Let's just stop by Redbox, order a meat lover's pizza (with no pepperoni) and get to know each other.
It sets unrealistic expectations - This tight little black dress that shows off my teeny waist and my little curves and 4-inch heels are not what I wear everyday. I don't normally wear make-up and usually sit "indian style" everywhere I go (outfit permitting). You need to know in advance that I say ridiculous/offensive things all the time. That's who I am. Similarly, men are usually exceptionally well-groomed for dates. You smell nice. In real life... you smell less nice. I need to know ahead of time if I can deal with your man funk. If I can't deal with your man funk, I can't deal with you.
It sets unrealistic expectations - Buying me dinner does not mean we're having sex. Or that you can feel me up. Pretty self explanatory.
Bottom line is this - You want to "date" me? You have to engage me, request my presence and allow me to feel comfortable around you. After we've done that, we can do the official dating thing. Dates are way more fun if you're already comfortable with the person. One day all this will end in someone reeling me in and wife'n me up. For everyone who missed the boat, I'll just be the one that got away.
Conclusively, that's some ole bulllllllshit!
I'm starting to have a better understanding of the other end of the spectrum.
It forces people to be socially awkward - I don't want to go out with who you think I think you are. I don't want you to hit me with your professional and private resume of great qualities. At the end of the day, we all know you suck in one way or another... just like I do. Let's just stop by Redbox, order a meat lover's pizza (with no pepperoni) and get to know each other.
It sets unrealistic expectations - This tight little black dress that shows off my teeny waist and my little curves and 4-inch heels are not what I wear everyday. I don't normally wear make-up and usually sit "indian style" everywhere I go (outfit permitting). You need to know in advance that I say ridiculous/offensive things all the time. That's who I am. Similarly, men are usually exceptionally well-groomed for dates. You smell nice. In real life... you smell less nice. I need to know ahead of time if I can deal with your man funk. If I can't deal with your man funk, I can't deal with you.
It sets unrealistic expectations - Buying me dinner does not mean we're having sex. Or that you can feel me up. Pretty self explanatory.
Bottom line is this - You want to "date" me? You have to engage me, request my presence and allow me to feel comfortable around you. After we've done that, we can do the official dating thing. Dates are way more fun if you're already comfortable with the person. One day all this will end in someone reeling me in and wife'n me up. For everyone who missed the boat, I'll just be the one that got away.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Casserole, Scrubbing Bubbles, Sex, Popsicles
One of my darlings recently celebrated her birthday at Vapiano's (they have great Sangrias). While talking with some of her guests, I decided to do a little research for my next blog. I asked some guys what things they look for in a woman that make her stand out from the crowd. I expected the usual things I hear, logical, laid back, let's you do your fav activity (ie, video games, basketball,etc). Nope, none of that. The response: "Cook, clean, fuck, suck"
Now, I have a friend who often says I should teach other women a class about perspectives and approaches to dating. But this list, I just don't understand. I can understand the components, but the complete picture is severely flawed (in my opinion).
Cook - This is simple. People like to eat, men specifically. Having a woman that will prepare meals for you is awesome. That woman in my life is my mommy. They even noted that a woman who can't really cook, but tries to do so for you is ideal. Well, bitches like to eat too. And while I don't mind cooking for you, in fact, I enjoy it... I want you to do the same for me every once in a while. Even if its just a turkey sandwich. Additionally, if you can't really cook, don't keep wasting food that I eat just to be nice...just work on excelling at 1 or more of the 3 other requirements.
Clean - There was something said about him getting out of the shower and the bed has been made. I make the bed for two reasons and two reasons only: putting on clean sheets and fronting for company. That's it. I don't see the use in making a bed everyday, knowing you are going to get back in it. I don't think I've ever dated a man who was put off by the fact that I don't generally make beds. If anything, its one less obstacle in getting down to business. And no, we aren't just going to be butt-ass on my $250 Hotel Collection Duvet Cover. Uh uh, pull those sheets back!
Fuck - I get it.
Suck - Yep, understood.
But what about intelligence, logic, sense of humor, supportive-ness, etc? I would argue that you can easily find a girl that does these 4 things... But would you wanna actually deal with her on a day to day basis if she's dumb as rocks? Or has the personality of mole (I picked moles arbitrarily, because they seem boring). Or doesn't ever have your back at anything you do? That won't last long, even for a simple man.
I think men like to think they are super simple creatures, when you aren't. Because truth be told, you've probably weeded out several women who would do all these things for you. However if you insist that cooking, cleaning, fucking and sucking is all you need... By all means, please indulge while you can. Before maturity sets in....
Now, I have a friend who often says I should teach other women a class about perspectives and approaches to dating. But this list, I just don't understand. I can understand the components, but the complete picture is severely flawed (in my opinion).
Cook - This is simple. People like to eat, men specifically. Having a woman that will prepare meals for you is awesome. That woman in my life is my mommy. They even noted that a woman who can't really cook, but tries to do so for you is ideal. Well, bitches like to eat too. And while I don't mind cooking for you, in fact, I enjoy it... I want you to do the same for me every once in a while. Even if its just a turkey sandwich. Additionally, if you can't really cook, don't keep wasting food that I eat just to be nice...just work on excelling at 1 or more of the 3 other requirements.
Clean - There was something said about him getting out of the shower and the bed has been made. I make the bed for two reasons and two reasons only: putting on clean sheets and fronting for company. That's it. I don't see the use in making a bed everyday, knowing you are going to get back in it. I don't think I've ever dated a man who was put off by the fact that I don't generally make beds. If anything, its one less obstacle in getting down to business. And no, we aren't just going to be butt-ass on my $250 Hotel Collection Duvet Cover. Uh uh, pull those sheets back!
Fuck - I get it.
Suck - Yep, understood.
But what about intelligence, logic, sense of humor, supportive-ness, etc? I would argue that you can easily find a girl that does these 4 things... But would you wanna actually deal with her on a day to day basis if she's dumb as rocks? Or has the personality of mole (I picked moles arbitrarily, because they seem boring). Or doesn't ever have your back at anything you do? That won't last long, even for a simple man.
I think men like to think they are super simple creatures, when you aren't. Because truth be told, you've probably weeded out several women who would do all these things for you. However if you insist that cooking, cleaning, fucking and sucking is all you need... By all means, please indulge while you can. Before maturity sets in....
Monday, August 9, 2010
What a Girl Wants
I'm pretty open about sex, as such, the conversation about what people like/expect out of their sex like is common conversation. Here are my requests:
1) Foreplay. I used to think foreplay was unnecessary. I was young and could go like a bunny rabbit with a simple blink of the eye. Then I got foreplay and was like "where the hell has this been all my life?!" This should include several things: kissing, caressing, some hand holding, some "what do you want me to do to you" dialogue and the icing on the cake... head.
2) Quickies. If you can't produce a quickie... we can't get down. Sometimes, I can function for a whole day off of a quickie. No breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, midnight snack. Just a quickie.
3) Speaking of morning quickies.... no open mouth kisses first thing in the morning. That shit is gross. There is no amount of love that's going to make me french kiss you, pre-teethbrushing, mouth-washing or at least a few swigs of water.
4) No marathon sex. Ever. I have a max, 35 minutes. There is no way you can toss me, flip me, lift me, move me that will make me want to have sex with you for longer than 35 minutes. At the 27 minute mark (yes, I'm keeping track) I'm going to ask you what I need to do for you to get you where you need to go. My body physically rejects the idea of sex for longer than 35 minutes. No, seriously. I don't want to sweat my hair out or feel like I just ran from the cops. It's not necessary, or impressive. If anything, I feel insulted. You can make your own deductions.
5) You have to cuddle me after. Unless I just reached a moment of euphoria. Then you have to cuddle me, very gently and when I say so. Allow me to enjoy my moment in peace.
6) Follow instructions. When it comes to sex, I'm not lazy and I want all parties involved to be happy. If I ask you a question, be responsive (it's usually for your benefit). If I ask you to do something, do it. Everyone wins.
7) I think couples should have sex at least every other day. Comply, or I get cranky.
The marathon thing. I'm very serious about this. Don't try me. I'm going to give you my very well-known "screw face" if you do, and no one wants that.
1) Foreplay. I used to think foreplay was unnecessary. I was young and could go like a bunny rabbit with a simple blink of the eye. Then I got foreplay and was like "where the hell has this been all my life?!" This should include several things: kissing, caressing, some hand holding, some "what do you want me to do to you" dialogue and the icing on the cake... head.
2) Quickies. If you can't produce a quickie... we can't get down. Sometimes, I can function for a whole day off of a quickie. No breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, midnight snack. Just a quickie.
3) Speaking of morning quickies.... no open mouth kisses first thing in the morning. That shit is gross. There is no amount of love that's going to make me french kiss you, pre-teethbrushing, mouth-washing or at least a few swigs of water.
4) No marathon sex. Ever. I have a max, 35 minutes. There is no way you can toss me, flip me, lift me, move me that will make me want to have sex with you for longer than 35 minutes. At the 27 minute mark (yes, I'm keeping track) I'm going to ask you what I need to do for you to get you where you need to go. My body physically rejects the idea of sex for longer than 35 minutes. No, seriously. I don't want to sweat my hair out or feel like I just ran from the cops. It's not necessary, or impressive. If anything, I feel insulted. You can make your own deductions.
5) You have to cuddle me after. Unless I just reached a moment of euphoria. Then you have to cuddle me, very gently and when I say so. Allow me to enjoy my moment in peace.
6) Follow instructions. When it comes to sex, I'm not lazy and I want all parties involved to be happy. If I ask you a question, be responsive (it's usually for your benefit). If I ask you to do something, do it. Everyone wins.
7) I think couples should have sex at least every other day. Comply, or I get cranky.
The marathon thing. I'm very serious about this. Don't try me. I'm going to give you my very well-known "screw face" if you do, and no one wants that.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I Love Her 'Cause She Got Her Own
My grandmother is one of my role models. More so than anyone else, I get my sense of independence from her. She raised 3 kids on her own and never asked anyone for anything. She always expressed to me how important it is to be able to take care of you and that you should never depend on a man for that. Her dad was useless and so was her babies daddy... So maybe her perception was a little tainted... Nonetheless...its the source of my development of the following views:
1) Digging for gold only gets you coal. Truth be told, it's not hard to find a man who will shower you with stuff. Men have different approaches to getting the pu-nan... And a lot associate material items with sex. You get that new Coach purse and he gets the cooch. For a while, you may not have an issue with that...but eventually you will grow up. And when you do, you'll realize that you're probably with a man who can shower you with material things but not love, support, affection, or true companionship.
2) If I want it, I can get it myself. It's nice to have someone surprise you with jewelry to show you they care... (by all means, don't stop :D) but expecting them to buy everything from your deodorant to your tampons, your sandals to your winter coat is ridiculous. What are YOU going to do for YOU if you require/let him do e-ver-y-thing?! More importantly, I think women too often associate whether or not a man is a "good" one by his ability to take care of you. The problem with that is that women don't seem to think men are allowed to expect the same thing. If I were a man, and I had a girl expecting me to fully provide for her, pay for every date, use all my gas going to see her... I would never marry her. How would I know she a) understands that relationships are 50/50 b) would be able to take care of me?
3) I can buy my own dinner, and yours too. This has been a hot topic in past dating-ships, relationships and conversations with friends about the expectations of men and women who are dating. I had a man who got upset with me because I paid for my own McDonalds during a study break. No, I'm not trying to insult your man-hood...but I'd have to pay for it if you weren't here... So what's the big deal?! and the first time I paid for his dinner, it was like this epic ordeal. We both work hard, and it would be selfish to think that my money is too precious spend but yours is not. Furthermore, I've heard women say that they won't kiss a guy at the end of the night who didn't pay for everything. What the fuck does paying have to do with kissing?! I also know some girls who are put off by the idea of a man using a coupon on a first date. What the hell difference does it make if he spent 100% or 75%?! You won't date him again because this man capitalized on a bargain?! As far as I'm concerned there are 3 general rules to determining who pays for a date:
A) If you say you want to take me somewhere, you pay.
B) If I say I want to take you somewhere (don't worry, it will actually happen), I pay.
C) If we mutually agree to go somewhere or try something out, we split it.
* If you continuously invite me places, I will offer to pay all or pay half at least 50% of the time.
4) One day, I will be barefoot, pregnant and useless. Knowing that I'm going to have to allow my husband to provide for me 100% makes my stomach queasy. So, if we are dating (and I could see myself marrying you), occasionally I'll say something like, "I've got this one... Because one day I will be preggers and useless". Don't question it, just give me a kiss and drink your drink.
* as usual, will edit any spelling or grammatical errors later
1) Digging for gold only gets you coal. Truth be told, it's not hard to find a man who will shower you with stuff. Men have different approaches to getting the pu-nan... And a lot associate material items with sex. You get that new Coach purse and he gets the cooch. For a while, you may not have an issue with that...but eventually you will grow up. And when you do, you'll realize that you're probably with a man who can shower you with material things but not love, support, affection, or true companionship.
2) If I want it, I can get it myself. It's nice to have someone surprise you with jewelry to show you they care... (by all means, don't stop :D) but expecting them to buy everything from your deodorant to your tampons, your sandals to your winter coat is ridiculous. What are YOU going to do for YOU if you require/let him do e-ver-y-thing?! More importantly, I think women too often associate whether or not a man is a "good" one by his ability to take care of you. The problem with that is that women don't seem to think men are allowed to expect the same thing. If I were a man, and I had a girl expecting me to fully provide for her, pay for every date, use all my gas going to see her... I would never marry her. How would I know she a) understands that relationships are 50/50 b) would be able to take care of me?
3) I can buy my own dinner, and yours too. This has been a hot topic in past dating-ships, relationships and conversations with friends about the expectations of men and women who are dating. I had a man who got upset with me because I paid for my own McDonalds during a study break. No, I'm not trying to insult your man-hood...but I'd have to pay for it if you weren't here... So what's the big deal?! and the first time I paid for his dinner, it was like this epic ordeal. We both work hard, and it would be selfish to think that my money is too precious spend but yours is not. Furthermore, I've heard women say that they won't kiss a guy at the end of the night who didn't pay for everything. What the fuck does paying have to do with kissing?! I also know some girls who are put off by the idea of a man using a coupon on a first date. What the hell difference does it make if he spent 100% or 75%?! You won't date him again because this man capitalized on a bargain?! As far as I'm concerned there are 3 general rules to determining who pays for a date:
A) If you say you want to take me somewhere, you pay.
B) If I say I want to take you somewhere (don't worry, it will actually happen), I pay.
C) If we mutually agree to go somewhere or try something out, we split it.
* If you continuously invite me places, I will offer to pay all or pay half at least 50% of the time.
4) One day, I will be barefoot, pregnant and useless. Knowing that I'm going to have to allow my husband to provide for me 100% makes my stomach queasy. So, if we are dating (and I could see myself marrying you), occasionally I'll say something like, "I've got this one... Because one day I will be preggers and useless". Don't question it, just give me a kiss and drink your drink.
* as usual, will edit any spelling or grammatical errors later
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